Shortness of Breath [songfics]

These Four Walls by Little Mix

I feel so numb

Staring at the shower wall

It's begun,

The feeling that the end has come

And now the water's cold

Somehow, she'd managed to haul herself out of bed. It took a long, tiresome while, but she was sure that it would be worth it. "C'mon, Nikki," she murmured to herself, spreading out on the floor in a starfish pose, "Stand up. Get in that shower. Clean yourself."

      However hard she pleaded with every inch of her body, she could not budge. Eventually, her little sister Sally knocked on the door and entered. With a innocent three-year-old's platinum-blonde pigtails dangling in front of your face and her salty tears dripping down onto the tip of your nose, it's virtually impossible to continue acting like a useless raggy doll. Therefore, Nikki ignored her body's agony and lifted herself off the ground. "Oh, no, Sally! You're leaking!" Nikki joked, wiping the tears off Sally's plump cheeks.

      "Are you ill?" the little girl asked randomly.

      Nikki paused. She didn't know quite how to word her answer, so she simply told her sister to leave, and that she was desperate for a shower.

      Once she was in the shower, Nikki couldn't bear to touch any of her old items: her shampoo, her conditioner, nor her shower gel. All she could do was slouch down into a corner and sob at her pathetic nature before dragging herself back out to sob some more.

 I tried to eat today

But the lump in my throat got in the way

Even with Sally's hopeful eyes watching her every move, Nikki remained unable to eat her bowl of cereal. She didn't know what it was about it; it just seemed way too soggy, yet too dry. It was imperfect, and Nikki couldn't even peek at anything imperfect. It was painful.

 In this time I've lost all sense of pride

For about the thousandth time that day, Sally started weeping. It was a miracle to Nikki that she never became dehydrated.

      Nikki comforted her sister. She embraced her. She kissed her.

      But she was feeling like joining in so badly.

I've called a hundred times

If I hear your voice I'll be fine

"Hello, this is Fergus. I'm most probably doing coursework - a.k.a. partying - but if you ring me later, I'll reply. If your surname is Hamm, please leave a message after the tone because I love you. Alright. Bye!" The tone sounded. Nikki's throat dried up. She'd came prepared with a glass of water, though, so she took a sip.

      "Hi, Fergie," she whispered. This was the most difficult message she'd ever left her kind-hearted, caring eldest brother; alas, she knew she must make it. "It's Nix here. Your little sis? I, uh . . . I wanted to call to say that. . ." Amidst her anxiousness, Nikki had become literally speechless. Those precious three words were refusing to escape. Finally, after much struggling, they appeared. "I am lost."

And I, I can't come alive

I want the room to take me under

'Cause I can't help but wonder

What if I had one more night for goodbye?

It was only three o'clock. It was nowhere near time for bed. Although this was very clearly true, Nikki clambered beneath her silky covers anyway. Her eyelids were drooping, and she could only hope that it was due to last night's restlessness.

If you're not here to turn the lights off, I can't sleep

These four walls and me

Five o'clock: Nikki hadn't got one second of sleep. Yet, she'd had of one billion dreams.

 I lay in bed

Can't seem to leave your side

Your pillow's wet

From all these tears I've cried

I won't say goodbye

Seven o'clock: Nikki called Fergus again. There was no answer.

I tried to smile today

Then I realized there's no point anyway

Midnight: Nikki began to wander aimlessly around her room. She noticed a picture of her and Fergus with titantic grins and wondered when both of the grins had faded. It had been so long that she really couldn't remember.

 And I, I can't come alive

I want the room to take me under

'Cause I can't help but wonder

What if I had one more night for goodbye?

If you're not here to turn the lights off I can't sleep

These four walls and me 

In fact, Nikki couldn't remember much. So she rang up her second brother, Rick, and questioned him. Poor, unfortunate Rick.

      As it turns out, Nikki and Fergus never had a sibling's feud.

      They'd just died. One of them mentally, and the other literally.

      With depression, sometimes resistance is futile; Nikki must have realised, because her second shower that day was a shower of crimson.