Is this my life?

Before we get into my depressing poetry, I want you to know that I am completely fine. I do suffer from a lot but I can push through. All the things that are in this poem are written directly by me and how I have felt before. If you relate to any of this, then I strongly suggest you get help because people care. It is hard, I would know but I know for a fact that somebody wants to talk to you. If there is nobody in person that you feel like you can talk to, you can message me on here or on instagram. My instagram messages are ALWAYS open.

Is this my life?

I'm happy. I'm laughing. Everything seems to be ok. I feel great. My family is being nice. I have loads of friends. I don't have any problems.

The thing is though...These are all lies.

I'm not happy. I'm never laughing. Nothing is ok. I feel awful. My family don't care. I barely have any friends. I have so many problems. I'm sad. I'm angry and anxiety driven. I'm stuck. It is not just a hard time it is a painful, agonizing time. This is just my life. Feeling sadness, sadness that is so deep within your soul that you can't reach in and take it away. Happiness seems to only show when I hurt myself. Do I want death? Is death my only option? Maybe I'm already dead. I find it hard to cry anymore because I've wasted all my tears. I can't talk to anybody because who would even want to listen to me. I'm worthless. I feel like my girlfriend doesn't care, my friends only want to borrow things from me and people at school think I'm a loser. Maybe they're right. I am a loser. Is this my life? I'm not real. My feelings...are not real. I want to die. I'm going to jump off now. I cannot live anymore...goodbye