The Long Way Home

Twenty Two

I have to stop posting at 2am but  if I don't you won't get your chapters at all because I sleep until 4pm tbh.

"The party must have been great if you stayed the night." Lars said as he drove the two home.
"My head hurts." Matthew groaned. Gilbert was half dead in the back seat. He was sprawled across the entire thing, moaning in pain.
"How much did you two drink."
"No idea." Matthew rested his head against the cold car window. Ahh. So much nicer.
"How's your writing coming along?"
"I'll work on the sex scene later. I just want to die right now."
"I'm going to zhrow up."
"If you ruin the upholstery I will choke you."
"Daddy~"
"Did you talk to any other writers or did you just drink all night?"
"There were other people at the party?"
"I should have gone with you like always."
"You poop on my party."
"If I didn't then you'd end up like this."
"Did you leave Peter alone?"
"Only for a few minutes. Why?"
"Naughty, naughty. I'm tattling."
"Oh please. Like you'd talk to your dad over something like that." Lars rolled his eyes. "And speaking of naughty...what happened to your neck?"
Oh shit.
"Uhm...well...you see..."
"He got attacked by a dog. It vas terrifying." Gilbert covered.
"Oh, it was a dog alright." Lars turned into Matthew's driveway.
"Rude." The German muttered.
"So you two did fuck?"
"You got us." Matthew sighed. "But I think the alcohol fucked me harder."
"Kinky."
"Shut the fuck up, Gil."
"I'm hurting more zhan jou."
"Bitch."
"Slut."
"Connard."
"I don't speak French."
"That's the point, dumbass."
"Could you two get out of my car."
"Carry me please."
"Nee."
"I'll pay you."
"Bitch, you're broke."
"Broken hearted because you won't carry me."
"Make Gilbert carry you."
"I can't even carry meinself."
"Both of you! Out!"
"Whatever." Matthew opened the car door and rolled out onto the driveway, not bothering to move from there.
"You okay?"
"Shhhhhhh."
"I'm about to hurl."
"OUT OF MY CAR NOW I'M SERIOUS!!!" Lars zipped out of the vehicle so fast he made Matthew dizzy. He almost threw Gilbert out into the dirt.
It was just in time too, because the Prussian heaved the contents of his stomach onto the ground.
"Ugh."
"Now I'm gonna puke."
"Don't. You. Dare."
"I have never zhrown up zhat much in mein life."
"I'm leaving you both to die." Lars got in his car and drove away without another word.
"Aw great. Now I have to smoke weed alone."
"You have me."
"Die in a hole."
"Already am, babes."
"Rest in fucking piece."
"What are you two doing outside?" Peter trotted out of the house, still in his bunny pyjamas.
"Dying." Gilbert groaned.
"Oh. Okay. What do you want for breakfast."
"Don't use the oven."
"You can't eat raw eggs, though."
"Oh god, up it comes." The thought of raw eggs Matthew up chuck all over the driveway.
"Ew." Peter screeched.
"Please...tell my wife...that I love her!" Matthew begged.
"Mein life is flashing before mein eyes." Gilbert groaned. "Man, I got so much pussy."
"Yeah right." Matthew wiped off his mouth.
"I wanna get cats too!" Peter whined innocently. "Although I would prefer to have a pet hamster."
"You don't want this breed of cat. Not yet." Matthew stumbled to his feet. "Can you help me to bed, Peter?"
"What about uncle Gil?"
"Yeah. He's already dead."
"I'm not."
"Sometimes I swear I can still hear his voice."
"Hungover Matthew is a dick."