This is my suicide note i wrote a month ago, no one saw it because when i tried to commit, i failed:
The more and more I thought about this, the more it made me realize i want to do this. For the past couple years, my life has been a major emotional roller coaster. For the past few months, i feel like i've been going through a miserable living hell. I now feel as if, i font have toe ability to put myself out there anymore, as if i lost hope in my life. I feel... no, i KNOW that all i do is disappoint, hurt, frustrate, and let people down. i now know tht no mater how much i try, i will never be able too succeed anymore. i guess maybe its just me? Also, the more i try, the worse comes out of me.
back when i was in grade school, i was made fun of A LOT. i've been called names. i was only around 7-9 years old. i feel like felt like moving to a new school, with a better environtment was a way to get away from it. i now realize that escaping from things dosen't stop the pain. its always still there. those little 7 year olds were right. i am ugly, not smart, and stupid. there was few points in my life where i didnt agree, but that was idiotic to disagree.
this note is just my reasoning. i do not blame anyone. i decited to do this to myself on my own. i reached MY breaking point. i chose tolive my life short. i rather die miserable and young than to live miserable as i grow older
im not normal. nothing about my life has EVER been normal. to everyone who thought i wasnt serious about this, im dead serious. i realized that my main point in my life has always been about worrying what everyone thinks of me. its just a human natual fact i guess. in my matter, if i cant live up to the expectations, i might as well not live at all. afterwards, everythings gone downhill. i know how stupid it sounds but it feels very acurate to me.
ive experienced life as a basketball player, a mediocher dancer, a guitarist, and an independant study student. im horrible when it comes to relationships. right now, thinking about it makes me wonder if anyone either saw it comeing or not. i guess that question to me remains unknown.
i always lived up to a quote i made up "F.A.T.E" which means Finding A Treasure Eternally. Meaning, you have to find yourself and what makes you value it. After almost a year of trying to find mine, i realized i had so many values and treasures in my life that made it compleate. but i killed them all.
in my last conclusion i thought through this for a long time now and i've made my final choice. im sorry. from all my being, im sorry if i broke any promises or disapointed anyone.
-to everyone who read this, this is a sign. Parents talk to your kids, they matter. Talk to your friends, they matter. Talk to anyone.... everyone has some sort of baggage behind them.
