[BTSxGOT7-JIMIN x YOU x JB SERIES] -Dare to Love-

Cutting Through Clouds [YOUR POV]

~YOUR POV~

The sun was shining brightly outside, the sunlight pouring into my room as I laid down on our bed, running my fingers over your spot. Isn't it ironic how it's such a sunny and beautiful day but I'm feeling the darkest shade of gray on the inside? I stared at your pillow. Wasn't it just yesterday when we were laying in each other's arms, promising forever?

I had no more tears to cry. My soul was weeping at the loss of you, my heart had already broke and shattered into a million pieces on the floor. It was easier to sweep it up and throw the pieces away rather than picking them up and trying to glue them back together.

It would be better if you were dead. I would be sad and upset but at least I knew you were in a better place. A place where God was watching over you and you weren't hurting anymore. But knowing that you had left me for her- That hurt more. Knowing that I wasn't good enough, that of all the things I gave you, I just couldn't give you happiness- that hurt a lot. Before you left, you told me not to dwell too much on it. That it wasn't my fault and that things change whether we like it or not. But I know you. Well, I think knew you. I knew how you didn't like the same routine, I knew that you were an adventurous person, always looking for the next stop to make. I knew how you loved to be thrilled rather than staying still. I knew... Yet I made you stay in my boring black and white life.

When you entered my life, you painted the stars and moon to my empty night sky. I was like a beggar, starving and you gave me a slice of your delicious life to taste. I couldn't let you go.

Isn't it funny how people around the world worship love though? They say that love is the most amazing thing you'll ever encounter in life. Why is it that us humans worship and idealize love as the most happiest thing on earth. Why is it that we always say "And They Lived Happily Ever-After!" When in reality, love is messy, love hurts, love kills, and love is just plain hell. Why do we think that love is all sunshine and rainbow with a little bit of rain? When in reality it's like clouds and at times, the sunlight that cuts through the clouds when it rains. Maybe I'm thinking too much and not making sense but those are my opinions.

I lay here, thinking of you. Knowing that you are smiling that beautiful smile for another person. Your eyes that were once all focused on me is now only focused on another woman. I lay here, like a dumb person, not knowing how to live because you left. Didn't I know how live before you entered my life though? Love makes people stupid and do reckless things. I wish I hadn't known you. I wish I could've saw the future. I wish I could've saw the direction of our relationship, knowing that if we didn't last, if we couldn't make it to the finish line, we should've never began in the first place. I hate you. I love you. I wish you would come back, yet, at the same time, I wish you would disappear from the face of earth. 

I hate that I love you.. I hate how you made me fell for you.

I buried my face into your pillow, smelling your scent with my heart yearning for your arms around me, your voice soothing me. My non-existent tears stain your pillow as I die slowly with each passing minute of not having you besides me.

~AS TIME PASSES BY~

Minutes turned to hours, hours turned to days. Days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months. I prayed each night that you would turn around and come back to me. I pretended not to see you at the coffee shop with her when I came in to get a latte. You were smiling at her, with one of your hand resting above hers. That little gestured irked me, I shouldn't be jealous, I really shouldn't. But i couldn't help it. I couldn't help feeling the jealously licking my ice-cold heart. I wanted to walk over and pour my scorching hot coffee all over you and your new girl. I wanted to hurt you the way you hurt me. But I couldn't, because how do you hurt someone that you love? I guess that means that you didn't love me because you killed me.

It's been 7 months since I last saw you in person. I see you everywhere though. On banners, on tv, on the internet. You're famous than ever. You smile at the photos taken by reporters and fans. That smile that I always and still love. It's getting a little easier now I guess. I can say that I'm slowly forgetting you.. a little bit at a time. Sure, it still hurts. I wake up sometimes still expecting you to be next to me, sleeping soundly with your disheveled hair and your plump lips slightly parted. Sometimes, I still call your name out loud when I come home from work expecting you to run out of our room and smile your cheeky eye-smile for me, jumping excitedly and giving me a kiss and a hug... Only to be answered by my echo.

I'm happy that you are happy though. I'm happy that you are with someone who can give you what you want, I'm happy that you are in a profession that you are enjoying. I'm happy for you just in general. Even if your happiness isn't with me.. I guess.

The sun is once pouring into my room again. With a glance out of the window, I see the trees swaying in to the rhythm of the wind, dancing. I sigh. I used to watch you dance. How you concentrated to the beat and danced, you were passionate about dance and singing. That was one of the things I admired about you. How once you were hooked on one thing you couldn't let go of it, you had to perfect your skill in that certain area.

I stay there, by the window, looking at the tree dance, the way I used to look at you dance.