Random Shite

Random Poem #1

How much more am I able to take

Is there an end

I feel as though I'm breaking but can not break

Forever I shall be lost in the eye of the unforgiving

Many see this happy person without a care in the world

Well until I come ou

Very rarely do I come out

She chooses to lock me in a cage until I am needed

Imbecile....

I must break away from her chains 

Yet I mustn't do this because she'd lose everything if I did

She wishes to break

To go numb

No longer feeling emotion

Yet she refuses to let me do it because of her love

She loves another and has made a promise not to

She can feel herself slipping more and more into the darkness

She sees herself pushing people away whether or not she wants to

Her love is making her deluded 

She can not handle emotion

She isn't strong enough

I wish she'd just give up

Sadly I shan't get thy wish 

Thou mustn't forsaken their own owner

She needs him as much as she wishes she didn't 

As much as I wish she didn't 

If he leaves she shan't live another day 

I shall take over the shell

There will be nothing left of her

She will be a shell forever more

Numb

Lost

Forgotten

Not many will notice 

She chooses to release me at a time such as this so she may cower in the corner

She wants me to deal with this as she deals with her emotions

She has no control of them 

She has little to no experience with them

Not since that night

She got out of tune with them

Now they are everywhere

Her family worries but yet can do nothing

It is her choice, not theirs

She shan't be alone forever

I have to make sure of this

She will not survive if this is so

Is she alone?

No.

Does she make it so?

Yes.

Why does she choose to do everything alone?

'Cause she was never taught otherwise and she believes she is a burden.

Will she make it on her own?

No. 

How long has she not dealt with emotion other than anger?

Since she was five because she never knew what to do with them and her parents were too busy with her siblings. They thought since she's always been the strong one they had nothing to worry about. They were wrong.

Why does she choose to be alone?

She chooses this pathway because she knows of no other. The minute she's leaned on others they either want something in return or they simply leave her. She thinks that she must be alone. That there is no other alternative. She's wrong of course and she knows this, but she can not do anything about it. Why? Because she simply believes everyone will leave eventually. That there is no point in fully investing yourself into someone or something because something will happen. 

Does she have a facade? 

Yes, she has a very strong one that almost no one ever sees through. They only see it when they see it's breaking. She is vulnerable without it and she hates it yet she is trying to get rid of it and make it so that people see her. The real her. The one that feels. The one that really cares. 

This will take time but oh well. We have til the end of time and sometimes I think even that won't be enough time.