A/N: Hey hi hello yes I'm starting the story over. Sorry if you liked it but I had like zero direction and I thought it was kind of extremely shitty so ya. The same basic storyline is being upheld but I am changing Rhyan's name to Rielyn :// I'm just not feelin the androgenous name thing anymore. So yeah I'm starting over and I hope this try turns out better than the first one and I promise to do more Author's Notes at the end to try to explain the chapters further because idk I think I'm an English teacher or something.
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When I was a freshman in high school my brother killed himself. He was a senior and my favorite person in the entire world. He was popular and cool and smart and everything that I wanted to be when I was in high school. At the beginning of the school year I was quiet and awkward, but with Sawyer's help I was able to come out from my shell and create a place for myself in our high school's hierarchy. Then he died. There was no warning, no note, no nothing. Dead and gone in a matter of hours.
He drank an entire bottle of NyQuil a few days after spring break. I figured the break had been his way of a last hurrah - 5 days in California with his friends and no parents. But of course I couldn't know that for sure; after Sawyer died I didn't know anything for sure.
The first year was the most difficult. I drifted from my large group of friends, keeping in close touch only with my friend Ava and later, my then-boyfriend Wes. I'm not proud of it, but part of how I learned to cope was by cutting myself. Cutting made sense - you cut, you felt pain, the end. Sometimes it seems like the only thing that will ever make sense to me.
By the time senior year rolled around, Wes and I had broken up, Ava and I were slowly but surely growing apart, and I had started cutting again. I only ever cut on my hips, because you couldn't really go too deep and it was a spot that was nearly always hidden. I felt really alone most of the time. I couln't wait to get the fuck out of my boring California suburb and move to Manhattan for school.
It was only about a week into the second semester of senior year that things started to change.
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A/N: This is only an opener, don't freak out that it's so short. And the new title is No Good For Me based off a line from the Lana Del Rey song "Diet Mountain Dew". I'll explain a little more when we get to it.
