The Part Of Me I Didn't Know (Not Done)

Chapter Four

People usually hate Mondays. But I don't think it's that bad. Tuesdays are much worse for me because my tiredness gets stacked up. So on Mondays I can hold on, but on Tuesdays I'm basically dying on the inside. I think they hate it because it's the confirmation that they need to go back to their boring and repetitive routines. I guess I already got used to that, since in my weekends I don't do much.

I arrived at school early, as usual, and picked the place I always sit. I left my bag there and went to a bench in the hall. I usually sit here while I wait for my friends to arrive, especially Julie, because as she's an extrovert is so much easier to talk to her. Normally just the two of us sit there, but sometimes a friend of mine or hers come by. We don't talk much about important stuff. First, because it's too early in the morning and no one has energy to do think about anything hard. And second, because she's an extrovert, and it's not normal for them to speak about important things, at least in my experience. It's great that she doesn't know about Chloe yet. And I don't think she will until I tell her, because she is not friends with Dylan. He's from another school, one that I studied some years ago. And if she knew I wouldn't know how to explain it and, by consequence, how to answer her questions.

The bell rang. It was time to go to class. Now I will be back at home on the afternoon. Such a slave life. Everyday doing the same thing by obligation and not will. It will only get worse as time passes. Being an adult must suck. Working eight hours a week for five days straight, at least in my country. But there's no other way to have a good life. Well, there are, but you only get there by being really lucky or going through the bad way. Out of the law.

I got home from school on time. It looks like on Thursday there will have a protest again against the president. I really should go to this one. If I can manage to get ahead on my studies I'll be able. But it's not that simple. Everyday there's something new to learn. I'm dying on the inside for studying this much. I might get mad soon because of this whole stress. Better not.

On days like today I usually stay at home the whole time, except for school, of course. But my mom forgot to buy some things at a nearby supermarket and now I have to go there. It's no more than a 10 minute walk from my place. But I could use this time to study. Now it's too late. I am already in my way. Usually there's not much people on the street. And today is no exception. The weather today is decent. There's a nice breeze coming from the sea. It's only a three minute walk from here to the beach. I should go more there. It's so close. But I don't like going alone, even though there's not much crime around. It's just going alone to places that it's weird. I don't know.

Arriving there I took the list of things to buy. There's only five itens. Great that here is not that big. This place looks like a supermarket, but it's smaller and has less variety and higher prices. It won't take long here. I'm going to make it the most efficiently way. I guess it won't take me more than five minutes.

Like I thought, it didn't even took five minutes to get the things. This store is quite nice and organised. This should be an example to... A woman, no much smaller than me, with jeans and a backpack, jumped the queue right in front of me. I stared at her with a 'what in the actual fuck' face but she didn't seem to notice. Looks like no one else noticed this too.
I stood up to talk to her.
- Excuse me, take your place like everyone else. This is a queue.
She looked at me with a disgust in her face. And didn't answer me.
- Did you hear me? This is a queue.
- Yeah... So?
Anger started to flow through my body but I tried to mantain calm.
- Listen here, would you go to the end of the queue? Or is this too hard for you?
The cashier and everyone else just stared at us.
- No.
That was just what I needed to hear.
- Now I don't give a fuck about manners. Just go to the end of this queue, you little shit. Where's the security of this place?
- Who said I needed your manners? You didn't seem to have any by the way.
- The only thing I need from you is for you to end of this fucking queue. But that seems to be too much to ask for your head to process.
- Alright. You're right. I'm going to the end... sir.
She looked at me with sarcasm. I didn't answer her. No one from security showed up. And I was saying this place is good. I don't even thing this place has CCTV. Anyway, I bought everything I needed and there's no why staying here anymore. I got out as fast as I could. What was in that woman's mind? She must have some mental illness. I don't see any other way of explaining what just happened. I don't think I should tell this incident too anyone. It was just a so 'what the fuck' moment. I don't even know how I would explain it to anyone. I guess I should...
- Hey, arsehole.
I turned back to look who said that. It was that woman. She fucking followed me. As she approached I saw she had a handgun.
- Don't you dare to talk to me like that again.
She said that furiously. I started to shiver.
- Calm down. No need to use force.
- I don't care. Did you fucking hear me? Don't you ever say that to me. Get on your knees.
I didn't want to die this young. Even with all these thing I hate in life, I still want to achieve happiness. I have to get away from this. She aimed the gun at my head.
- Did you fucking hear me?
A car passed a few metres away. She turned her back to look what it was. This was my chance. I kicked her in the knees and took the gun from her hand. It was heavier than what I imagined. She was on the floor now. I cocked the gun.
- You don't seem to have heard me.
She screamed furiously again and tried to take the gun from me. Bang. That was all I heard for the next few seconds. I couldn't hear anything. I shot her. Right in the throat. I shot someone. I need to get out of here quickly. I ran as fast as I could. Hopefully no one saw me there. I still have this gun with me. I have to throw it away. There's a small river nearby. I can... I need throw it there. There's no way I'm keeping this shit. I can't believe I actually shot someone. I don't know how to feel about this. Guilt, remorse... Pleasure. Fuck. How am I going to explain the blood stain on my shirt? And the fact that I don't have what she asked me to buy. I'm going to throw my shirt away. I'll say I got mugged and they took the things I bought and my shirt. Great. There's no way I'm telling about this to anyone.

When I got home I told my mom that lie and said I needed to rest. So I asked some medicine to sleep faster. She seemed to believe in my story.  I really don't want to think about this any more today.