The life of a cutting addict

Chapter one

I seek pain so I know that I am still alive. It doesn't always help the fact that it's an addiction. I've been cutting for years now. And I love it. Actually it's more of a love hate relationship. But anyways.

My name is Julèe. I am 19 years old and I am a lesbian. I have had a couple of boyfriends in my lifetime but I was raped at 15. So now I don't trust any boy. It's sad actually. I don't trust my stepdad or little brothers. It sucks. I never really trusted my stepdad. But little did I know what would happen next. "John" (my stepdads name). "yes"

"can I talk to you"

"sure"

"I'm scared to tell mom this but... I was raped at 15 that's why I don't really talk to guys.... Also I'm a lesbian"

"What"

I repeated myself. But he just sat there looking pissed off. "no fucking daughter of mine is goin to lick another girls pussy!"

I wanted to tell him so fucking badly that i WASN'T his daughter. I wanted to tell him my dad is buried in a cemetery. That that's the only reason my mom is with your sick self.

But did I dare say that? No I didn't. Or did I? So I said it....

"what the fuck did you just say to me little girl?"

"you heard me"

He grabbed me by my hair and shoved me onto the couch. I tried to get away but he was too strong. "scream and I'll kill you bitch.... Ur gunna be straight by the time I'm done with you." I started to cry. He ripped my pants off and unbuttoned his. He pulled out his dick and shoved it deep inside of me. I cried harder. He slapped my face hard. "Shut up whore" he said viciously. I whimpered and tried to stay quiet.

It seem like it had been forever when he stopped. But then he turned me around and said "open your fucking mouth" I did as I was told. He came inside of my mouth. I gagged and wanted to spit it out in his face but I didn't dare. He looked at me with disgust and pushed me away.

I was sobbing when he left the room. I ran upstairs to my room and grabbed my little jewelry box full of sharp objects. I chose my box cutter. The only one I used when I wanted to do damage. I sliced into my skin. Pushing deeper. But just when the blood poured out my mom banged on my door. "Open up Julèe" she said. I tried to cover the cut with my hoodie sleeve and opened the door. SMACK! My mom's hand went across my face. Blood seeped through my gray hoodie. "What's that?" she asked starin at my sleeve. "No... It's not...your not cutting? Are you?"

You see my mom was a cutter when she was a teen. She had done all the right steps to make sure it didn't happen to me. But everything wasn't enough. "yes mom I am" I said spitefully.