Her Accepting Heart by Ayesha Ally ( A.M.I )

8

8

Nazmira sat at the table in the spotless kitchen, with a mug of coffee in front of her, with tears trickling down her face.
   She was feeling like a failure in her own eyes. How could she have made Basheer fall for her? Was it just the way she reacted to his problems?
   Because she was certain that she had not thrown herself at him, it was not like her to. She was beginning to doubt herself.
   "Naz, what are you doing up so late?" Her mother asked worriedly, and when she saw the tears in her daughter's eyes she hugged her, asking her what had happened.
   "Ma, I've done no wrong, but I feel like I've done something terrible." Nazmira sniffed.
   "What are you talking about?" Her mother asked in concern, because her daughter never cried ever since her father had passed away.
   "Ma, Bash...Basheer propos..."
Before she complete her sentence, her mother slapped her hard across the cheek.
   "Ma!" Nazmira held her cheek in shock.
   "Don't call me that! You disgrace me! He is my patient's happily married son. How dare you push yourself in his life, knowing he's married and has kids? You have proved that I don't know you at all." Her mother screamed at the top of her voice.
  Nazmira stared at her mother...
   "They did you a favour and this is what comes off it? I can't believe it! You have really crossed all lines now..." her mother turned around and left her standing in shock, even tears refused to fall.
   After a sleepless night Nazmira dressed for her work day and skipped breakfast before heading out.
  It was as she strolled towards the nearest bus station that she saw 'his' car pass her and her anger rose. It was because of him that her mother had slapped her and it was only because of him that she was doubting her own goodness.
  As was expected, Basheer's car came to a stop just a few feet in front of her.
   He got off and asked her to let him give her a lift.
  "No, I'd rather walk. Besides, the bus stop is around the corner now." She looked stubbornly the other way.
  "Look, I'm sorry for throwing the proposal out at you the way I did. It was wrong, but I seriously meant it when I said it. Please marry me." His pleading look would've melted any other woman's heart, but not hers.
   "Basheer, I told you once and I will tell you again...I will not marry you. What do you think of me? Do you think I'd jump to marry you just because I feel sorry for you? Did you think that I'd like to be second choice? Or did you actually think I may have feelings for you?" She threw the questions at him.
   Basheer didn't know where to start answering,  so he questioned her instead.
   "Tell me you don't feel the same way as I feel for you? Aren't you comfortable in my presence like I am in yours? Don't you feel like we connect on some level? Don't you think of our general conversations at night before you go to sleep?" He saw the quick look she sent him and felt relieved to know that he touched a cord.
   "You do, don't you?" He asked softly.
Nazmira had to try very hard to block him out, and she failed...because she knew there was definitely a ring of truth in his questions.
   Okay so what if she thought about their conversations? She thought about her conversations with others as well.
    So what if she began dreaming about the way his thick black hair glowed gold in the morning sunshine.
    So what if she wished she could wipe away all his fears and all his pain...
    So what if she imagined being loved by him...
Oh my Allah, she felt to throw up when the truth and reality came to haunt her.
   Was she so wanton after all? And since her mother already thought to judge her before knowing the truth, should she let go of her own fears and go with the flow?
    Basheer saw all the emotions cross her face and was standing in front of her when the first of her tears slipped and she told him everything that she had realised at that moment.
    "So you will marry me then? Samiha had told me to do what I think is right, and I think this is it... because it would be wrong of me to be with her when my thoughts are with you...
  Nazmira closed her eyes and nodded her consent. And she let Basheer drive her to work that day in silence... Both their minds occupied with hope for the future...

Ayesha Ally