My brain surfs on a different wave.
I wave in a weird way,
I sway to metal.
I petal my feet as on a bike in my bed when I'm bored out of my head.
No one could stand
to stand next to me
for more than three minutes without needing a break
and it would break my heart
when the people I thought could be my friend
would pretend to have to attend an event far,
far, far away from anywhere that had me.
I was always trying to please people,
please everyone so they would please like me.
Like me for me,
or the me I tried to be.
It wasn't until that period when I got into theater
and met you there
that I didn't care what people thought.
My head was on fire,
my soul was torn,
but when I looked at you I was reborn.
My head became calm, and seemed to sync
to you instead of sink
to the bottom of a bottle and the end of a fag.
Or a bugles bag.
We surfed together on a wave
of memories too awesome to forget, to let go.
But every year you would become nervous at our anniversary.
You'd treat our relationship like it was prone to sink
if you would think about it too much or articulate your thoughts to me,
like a partner should be.
You should tell me how you feel,
when you feel,
not hide it away for two years,
hiding your tears,
your fears it's why I'm here.
How can I know something is wrong
when you go along
with everything like it's fine,
because that's wrong.
It's like a dream to find someone who understands you like you do.
It's like a nightmare to lose someone who understands you like you do.
My head is ignited my soul is in shreds
and some days I wish I could be deads,
just for a day or two,
it's true.
My anxiety reminds me every day that
hey, she's not longer faithful to me anymore
so anyone can score
with her.
It makes me sick
that someone is trying to stick
it to her, smelling her hair,
my gurl,
or my ex gurl.
my rhymes are getting desperate, like me.
But I'm getting better.
I write,
I sing
I do anything
artistic, simplistic or complex,
I create stories that perplex
I think constantly about having sex,
with people. New people. Sexy people.
But I don't want that. I want love,
below and above.
Someone to hold me when I freak out,
emotional knockout.
Someone who understands or tries
when my eyes get teary
and my mind is weary.
Someone who doesn't freak out
at the thought of being together
for a longer period of time in good and bad weather.
I want a soulmate
