Love Me So I Don't Have To - COMPLETED

1.2

For about the first decade of my life, I wasn't allergic to ants. I always had an ant bite somewhere on me because I was always playing outside. I live in a considerably rural area, so ants are everywhere.

About half a decade later, I got bit by an ant in New Orleans. Half of my hand swelled up, and I went to the doctor. Turns out I was mildly allergic.

About a year later, I was at a birthday bonfire for Ash. I fell on the ground. Little did I know, ants were crawling all over me and a friend. I thought I only had a few bites on my arm and it would just swell up and go away soon after a single Benedryl pill.

Instead, I was completely red and swollen. There were bumps all over my body like hives. My inner body temperature felt like it was through the roof. My external was cold enough for goosebumps, yet my palms were itchy and radiating heay like a furnace.

When I got home, my lips and face were so swollen that I almost didn't recognize myself. I took off my clothes and the top half of my body was also swollen and red. It felt like the ants were still crawling all over me. I took a long, hot shower to get rid of the swelling and the feeling of ants crawling on me.

What's the point of this story, you may ask. Well, you'll see. I'm getting to it. In the meantime, here's another story.

After the boy who never seems to get the fuck out of my life, I swore to say no to relationships until I completely had my priorities together. I was a total bitch and discreetly hoed around. I made the stupid mistake of saying yes to one guy. Well, I said yes to another kid before, but we will talk about that some other time.

It was kind of a mistake. I mean, we're still together. The thing is I cannot stay with him.

As I am writing this, he and I have been together for exactly 11 months. That is my longest relationship for sure. In spite of this, quantity does not matter. Quality does. The quality of our relationship was 5-star in the beginning. More towards this point in time, we have gotten to about maybe 3-star.

Over time, I just lost the feelings. Maybe. Actually, I'm not sure I really even had them in the first place. I was going to break up with him in the first month because I thought it was going to get too serious too fast. Oh, boy. How right I was.

I should have ended it then. I should have spared myself. I should have saved my time and energy. I should have stopped it before he decided I was his One.

He's convinced I'm the One. He's convinced I'm the One he's going to marry and have a family with. He's convinced we're going to make it out of high school together. He's convinced he can make me love him if I stop. He's convinced that two months is enough to change my mind about leaving when it's only giving me more time to realize why I should leave.

I'm convinced he's fucking obsessed with me. I'm convinced we can't stay together. I'm convinced I'm not ready for a serious relationship at my age. I'm convinced this relationship is on the highway to Toxic if it's not there already.

I can just imagine us in his Malibu blasting Britney Spears at 70 mph towards the dead end of our relationship.

You see, time changes things. Time changed my allergies. Time changed my relationship. Time changed me. Time changed him. Time changed the ants, too. Probably not really but I'll stick with it.

There isn't much I can do about either except for the obvious: deal with it or avoid it. I can just deal with the ants or avoid them. I can just deal with this incessant asshole or avoid him. I'm leaning more towards avpiding both because I'm trying to love myself.