For The Sake of You(Book 1 of Sake Trilogy)

Introduction

The hardest decision is letting you go not because I'm tired of holding on,  but because I want to redeem myself for all the heartaches I had from you.

Sometimes we initiate retreat not just because we are losing,  but it is also because there's no more chance to win a  fight nor chance to quit and all you can do is to save a little part of yourself and evacuate when your world will finally crushed down in just one hand by the person you really love.

*

Ang bigat. Sobrang bigat ng nararamdaman ko ngayon matapos ang usapan namin ni Clyde. Kanina pa siya umalis habang ako ay nanatiling nakaupo sa isang fastfood chain. Kanina pa ako umiiyak sa labis na sakit.

Hindi na kita mahal, sorry pero may nahanap na akong iba na karapatdapat sa pagmamahal ko. Those words are still echoing inside my mind.

Wala na akong pakialam sa mga taong nakakapansin sa paghikbi ko. I tried to decipher my sobs but I just can't. Feeling ko sasabog ako kung pipigilan ko pa'to. Buti nalang ay konti lang ang tao at nasa pinakadulo ako nakapwesto

I texted my ate para siya nalang ang magdrive kasi hindi ko na kaya at baka maaksidente pa ko. Even if I want to. But this is not yet the time to do that. All I want to do is know the reason why he said those things.

Tinanong ko ang sarili ko kung bakit? ano ba ang nagawa ko? may kulang ba?
I have too many questions in my mind. And I think I'm drowning into it. All I need is answers.
Kaya pala nag-iba na siya simula ng bumalik siya galing States para sa Masters Degree niya. Ayokong mag-isip ng kung ano-ano dati knowing na hindi niya iyon magagawa. But the moment we talked just to end our relationship is a big slap of reality. And it hurts bigtime.

Suddenly I felt a hand that is tapping my shoulder. At first I thought is just my sister pero nu'ng tumingala ako ay isang estranghero ang nasa harapan ko. Hindi ko pa siya gaanong namumukhaan dahil sa mga namumuo pang luha sa mga mata ko. I was about to see him clearly when he motioned his hand towards me giving something. It is a Pin-Button with a smiley emoticon. I don't know the reason why he gave me this but decided myself in the end to just accept it. Not because I like it but because I want him to just leave me alone. I don't want to bother myself from their existence. Good thing he gets what I'm trying to say and left wihout saying a word.

When I felt a small relief, I checked my phone and found a message from my sister saying she can't fetch me up. I left no other choice but to drive by myself.

I stayed for a couple of minutes fixing myself. Kahit hindi ako nakaharap sa salamin ay alam kong namamaga na ang mga mata ko. I walked toward the direction of the exit door with my head facing down. Nakakabother ang tingin ng mga tao but I don't mind. All I want is to leave this place and go to a place kung saan ko pwedeng ibuhos lahat ng damdamin ko. Home.