Behind The Mask

Chapter 13

Anouk’s POV

I want to tell him...I really want to tell him that he is a sight for sore eyes right now, with his earnest, brilliant eyes....with his lips slightly parted, waiting for my answer. But my words are blocked somewhere in my throat. I want to cry and yell and fling myself down from this roof for being such a moron...All I can manage is a sob....a pathetic, half-stifled sob. And a stupid tear running down my face.

“Please....let me go...Just let me go. Do you know...when you find a half dead animal in the street and you want to do the best to save it? But even if you do, it will remain terribly crippled for the rest of its life? And it’s more humane to let it die and cut its pain short? Same here...let me go. Don’t give me hopes.”

His face falls, and he lets go of my hands. I guess he got the message. I stand up with all the strength I have and I leave the terrace. I don’t have the strength to look behind. This is how it feels when you crush a dream, a beautiful dream. It feels like there will be no happiness for you in this world. But damn me, I just didn’t have the guts to reach out for that happiness...

My existence is wrong...that’s why I can never be happy. I have no right to exist. The man who fathered me had no business doing it. He was claimed and spoken for. I don’t know if his Brazilian daughter, just as illegitimate as me, feels the crush of fate like I do. I am a mistake. My life is a mistake. All the flaws I’ve been born with are the proof that nature fought with all its powers against my creation.

I went briefly to check on mom. Poor woman....she had a fake husband and she has to live with his malfunctioning offspring. I wish I hadn’t been born...I do! I only complicate people’s lives. Mom’s life...even Manny’s....Now Michael’s.

I go to my room to cry. I am careful to lock the door and leave the key in there. I don’t want interruptions. I don’t want Michael trying to reason with me once again. I don’t think I’d be able to resist him one more time.

I lie in bed and try to forget about everything. I mean everything. I want peace and quiet. And nobody chasing me around.

I don’t know when I fell asleep. I must have done it somehow, because I woke up to sunshine hitting my face. I forgot to pull the curtains. Damn!

Morning toilet is not a complex affair for me. Wash face, comb hair and I’m done. I don’t like makeup. I only wear it on rare occasions. This is my face. If you don’t like it, then too bad and fuck off please.

It is quiet in the hotel. An odd sort of quiet. I go straight to mother’s office and she is sitting there doing the accounts. Shit, I’ve overlooked doing that!

“Hi, mom. I could do that…or, I’ll fix breakfast for everyone in exchange.”

“Hello, Anouk. Breakfast won’t be a very complex thing to prepare. There aren’t many people to feed now.”

My mother’s voice is oddly quiet and a bit cold.

“Huh? What’s going on here?”

“He left, Anouk. He’s had enough of your mental and antisocial attitude. I hope you’re happy now. You are as you wished to be – left alone.”

I remain petrified for a few seconds. He left? Michael left? No…no…I mean…that’s what I wanted, right? He finally gave me what I wanted. He left. Then why does it feel so…so wrong? Why do I feel like shit?

“Mom?”

“He got his bodyguards to pack up everything and left late last night. He refused any kind of refund…He said he doesn’t blame anyone, not even you. Last thing I heard him say before he climbed in the car was that with his kind of luck he didn’t expect any other outcome. Like I said, Anouk, you got what you wanted. You turned away a good man who really cared about. Now, you can go and fix breakfast. I only want some toast and coffee, thank you.”