Goldbricker and the Tale of the Tornado-pocalypse

Chapter One - Stormy Beginnings

The cosmic creator's stomach gurgles with hunger as he rastles the crude, earthborn conservative. The creator unzips his moonbeam,effectively beheading the convict. However, unbeknownst to the creator, the conservative was holding a carnivorous cardinal who managed to slap him with a piece of barbed wire. The attack was harmless against the creator, and the crime did not go unpunished. 

An hour later, the conversion of the cardinal was complete, and it was now but a sparkly bat. The creator had no time to fuss about with his phenomenal new creation, as he was still salty. He decided to take out his anger on the human race by creating an enormous tornado, one that really did a number on the humans. 

However, one human, a pesky goldbricker, quickly entered an underground base and stood under a column, wishing his family safety. However, he did not know that he was sharing his base with a visitor. 

He soon discovered an androgynous Southerner carrying a baby. At first, the goldbricker displayed aggression against the Southerner, until he realized the Southerner and her baby were damaged badly by the tornado. The Southerner explained to the goldbricker that she was seeking warmth for her young adoptive son, Tiger, who was ultimately abandoned because of his odd looks. 

Tiger suffered partial paralysis from damages, and his Southern mother generally looked ugly. However, beneath her gross outer shell, the goldbricker could see beauty in the Southerner, and quickly offered her some medicine for her and her child's injuries. The goldbricker learned that the Southerner's husband was in the military, and that is how she knew of the base. 

The goldbricker let the Southerner and her son, Tiger, rest while he decided to explore the military base. He stumbled upon a bunch of scrap pieces of a convertible. Quickly fabricating a plan, the goldbricker brought back many of the pieces of the abandoned convertible. When he got back to the Southerner and Tiger, however, he could not process what he saw. 

There stood the beautiful twin sister of the Southerner, draped in plaid, with looks that defy description. She was trying to get her sister to join her in a revolt against the almighty, who she claimed started the tornado. 

Suddenly, everyone stopped at the sound of a ghoulish howl coming from the entrance of the military base. A crude-looking bulldog came galloping towards Tiger, barking and howling and drooling. The goldbricker had to do something fast, to protect Tiger. Grabbing onto a piece of scrap metal, he landed a blow straight to the bulldog's head, sending him to land horizontally on the hard surface of the floor. 

The goldbricker approached the dog carefully, and in one last act of violence, the dog raised it's head to sink it's teeth into the goldbricker's leg. The goldbricker smashed the scrap metal against the dog, delivering the final blow, before collapsing to grab his injured shin. 

The Southerners quickly helped the goldbricker tend to his wound, and one look told him that it was definitely going to scar. The Southerner's twin sister looked at the scrap parts that the goldbricker had brought back.

"I bet I could fix my car up with these parts," she said. "All we'd need is some fuel."

"I think I saw a vacant hangar when I was out, I can go hit it up for you." the goldbricker replied.

"You mustn't!" The Southerner said, almost automatically. "Your leg. It's too hurt."

"I'm fine," the goldbricker insisted, walking forward with a limp. "It's not too far from here, anyway."

"No." The Southerner said sternly, blocking his way "You're going to sit in this armchair while one of us goes."

The goldbricker reluctantly agreed, and sat in the armchair while both of the sisters left. He was left to watch over Tiger.

Meanwhile in the hangar, the Southerner's twin found the fuel. However, it was plant-based fuel.

"How the hell is plant fuel gonna get us to the afterworld?!" she exclaimed, frustrated.

"The afterworld?" Her sister asked, confused.

"Yes. We need to get to the afterworld to fight God."

"Woah, on what grounds are we fighting God?"

"On the grounds that He was careless and started this tornado-apocalypse, and that he killed my hamster when I was eight."

"...How do we find the afterworld?"

Soon the sisters returned to the goldbricker and explained to him that they were revolting against the creator for beginning the Tornado-pocalypse, and that in order to find the afterworld they needed to sacrifice a young vixen.

"So, Mr. Goldbricker, are you brave enough to join us in the revolt? Or are you going to stay back and embrace the deaths of your family?" The Southerner's twin questioned.

"Sure." The goldbricker replied. Secretly, however, he was anxious and wishing for the wisdom of his real family for decisions like these. But that remained confidential. 

And so the four founders of the revolt trekked outside of the military base with their convertible parts and bio-fuel. Immediately they were met with the hostility of the environment, the high speed winds and the massive tornado on the horizon. They took temporary shelter in a barn for the night, to escape the winds and rains and keep Tiger safe.

Inside the barn they met a dog handler, who bred bulldogs and was staying in the barn as well. The goldbricker immediately felt weary around the man and his five remaining bulldogs, as he realized that this must have been where the bulldog that bit him and tried to attack Tiger escaped from. However, the handler assured them that it was a rare phenomena that his bulldogs would attack, as they were well trained and behaved. 

However, that didn't put their minds at ease as the handler was absently toying with a grenade, having stocked up an arsenal of weapons inside the barn. The handler's breath smelled of fresh whiskey as he spoke, giving the impression of him being the typical crazy, bumbling alcoholic dog-breeder that holds a massive, military-sized arsenal inside an abandoned barn.

"So, where are ya'll off to?" the handler asked, relaxing as the storm raged on outside.

"We're trying to fix up my car and cross the border into Mexico." the Southerner's twin replied.

"Well, that's quite a ways away from up here in Kentucky, so let me offer you some food while you're here." At the mention of food, the handler's bulldogs perked up. But they didn't jump or act up in any way as the handler went over to a cooler and brought out some meat.

"Here ya'll go. Enjoy yourselves, 'cause I reckon you'll be outta here come tomorrow."

The goldbricker examined the meat that the handler gave him, when suddenly his face colored green with disgust.

"Is this... human flesh?!"

"What?! No, no, it's just pig! I promise, I aint kill nobody an' eat 'em!" the handler explained quickly. The team of four ate their meat and quickly settled in to go to sleep, but the goldbricker had a bad feeling about the dog handler. So he stayed up watching the storm rage on that night, contemplating his future and the future of his small family he had acquired. And he fell asleep, sitting rather uncomfortably on a hay bale.

(GENERATED WORDS USED IN THIS CHAPTER: cosmically, creator, gurgling, hunger, rastle, , crude, earthborn, conservative, zipper, moonbeam, convict, behead, holding, carnivore, cardinal, slap, wire, harmless, crime, conversion, hour, sparkle, bat, phenomenal, salty, enormous, tornado, number, wish, goldbricker, pesky, enter, column, visitor, androgynous, south, baby, aggression, damage, warm, tiger, ultimate, odd, paralysis, gross, beneath, beauty, medicine, military, pieces, convertible, fabrication, abandoned, process, twin, plaid, description, revolt, almighty, ghoulish, bulldog, crude, grabbing, horizontal, blow, scar, fuel, vacant, hangar, hit, automatic, block, armchair, plant, afterworld, grounds, careless, hamster, find, vixen, brave, embrace, anxiety, wish, wisdom, confidential, founder, hostility, barnyard, handler, phenomena, absently, grenade, fresh, border, color, flesh, future)