1. If its not yours, and you know its not yours, don't touch it.
2. If you grab something of mine without asking, you are now dead to me.
So today, I was in the shower. A normal humanly thing people do to get clean.
So I'm (obviously) naked, I try slithering my hand out of the shower curtain to grab MY razor because my legs look like a barber shop floor.
I know exactly where my razor is, in the cupboard hidden under makeup. Luckily, I am usually able to grab it without stepping out of my bathtub BUT TODAY GOD HAD TO SHOVE HIS HOLY COCK DOWN MY THROAT. I'm trying to grab the razor but I don't feel anything, then I peek my head out but I still don't see it.
M'kay, so here's what I gotta do, I gotta take my shriveled scaley ass out of the bath, walk around naked and wet trying to find my razor.
So I do.
Then, of course, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and holy crap I swear I saw Lucifer.
Well anyway after 35 minutes trying to find it, I finally see MY razor on the very top of the cupboard along with 2 other razors I presume are my sister's.
ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!
I grab my razor trying to be calm but you know what I see? You wanna know what I see?
Hair.
Leg hair.
Armpit hair.
Pubic hair.
All of which are stuck in MY RAZOR.
I know this hair isn't mine, because IM A FUNCTIONING HUMAN BEING THAT CLEANS OUT THEIR RAZOR INSTEAD OF LEAVING HAIR IN IT.
after my emotional breakdown I try looking for another razor but OOPSIE DAISY THERE ARE NO MORE
SO INSTEAD OF DEALING WITH MY PROBLEM LIKE A NORMAL PERSON I FLUSH MY SISTERS RAZORS DOWN THE TOILET.
YOU ARE READING
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