"No one ever died from a broken heart; they only wished they did. . ."
Hayaan niyong isalaysay ko muna ang nangyari para may rason kung bakit nagsisiwalat na naman ako ng mga madugong lathalain :)
[May 13, 2009 @ around 4:30pm]
ate monay: [nanahimik]
che: [buntung-hininga] owh!
ako: [napatingin sa malayo] [nagulat] [nalungkot] [nasaktan]
: ouch!
[habang sa malayo]
******: [tumingin din, parang wala lang, kasama niya si Ms. Rebonded Green Stripes, mukhang masaya na, sobra]
ako: [sumilip sa bintana dun sa lobby] [tinitignan silang naglalakad palabas ng school] [para ba kong binaril ng 45-callibre, tagos]
[at dun na ulit ako nagsimulang paranoid]
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Am i that transparent?
Tell me, c'mon!
Do i need to come right in front of you and tell that i am hurting so much?!
I don't know what to do with what I feel right at the moment, I am so depressed. .
. .i feel so weak. .
. .frail. .
. .helpless. .
what must i do?
YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED; YOU ARE ENGAGED. .haha!
good luck to the career!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
from that scenario way back this afternoon, you want to know what i felt?
huh?
it's like i had been murdered 10 times. .
that's it!
I felt that I was at the moment crippled, but only my body was cracked. .
yeah, it's not simple, and not easy to explain, but sense it, it's that painful. .
i will try to deny that i have never seen that. .
mister always in white shirt, have you moved on, are you happy??
are you happy with what you are showing to me-
. . that I was like a fool who stares at you, like a super fan, and you're the super star. .
. . that I was like a garbage in the dump, while you are on a classy bin. .
. .that I was like the only person who could not live without you in my life. .
if you are keeping these things in mind, go to hell!
what have I done that you are punishing me to the fullest?
the reason why I am like this?
it's because the reason why we separated ways was unreasonable. .
i don't know what has happened. .maybe both of us have been cold, and we have no choice but to end things up, promising each other that we are still friends, and we'll be the best of friends we can be for each other. .where is that promise now?
we only see each other by chance though we're on the same school. .
and when we have sighting of each other, we get rid of each other, we can't even look at each other's eyes. .
what's the matter?
________________________________________________________________________________________________
everytime i see you, you're breaking me to pieces, i want to move on and find the real me. .
I have been thinking of finding a new one (just like what you did, YOU HAVE FOUND A NEW ONE). .
but I fear. . I fear that the new guy would just be like the rest and in the end, lets me down. .
i am so sick and tired of pretending that i am okay. .
my eyes are now filled with tears, and these tears speaks softly in your ears that I still want to believe you when you say we'll still be friends. .i know i'll get over you within time but i will never forget the way you smile, walk, talk, write. . .
and even worse, when you wipe away these tears from my eyes, i would still say that "i am still yours. . ." :(
1 month went by and still, i couldn't forget you. .i still look at the pictures our friends took and flip through the pages of your letters and all the memories run through my head, and it makes me cry over and over again. .
you said you want us to still be friends, i even want to put meaning on that:
that after we broke up, you still want me to be your friend because you love me too much
OR
you never loved me from the start/ /
you might notice this, i talk to you like you are nothing special anymore. .
. .while deep inside i know you are. .
i'm tired of hiding these wounds, these cuts. .but i can't let the world know that I am WEAK. .
i was so deeply in love, but after the many tries, i just couldn't take it anymore, my pain buildup inside, each and everyday, and in the end, i just break down. . -just like now. .
you made me realize that nobody can ever make me feel that way you did. .
. .i can remember eveything you have said or did. .i think i could never stop these feelings even though i try so hard. .
if you love me x-infinity, why are you not doing anything to try and get me back??
maybe, you didn't really love me. .
i want to promise myself thatEVEN IF WE SEE EACH OTHER NEXT YEAR, NEXT NET YEAR, OR ON THE COMING YEARS, IT WONT BE THE SAME. . LIKE HOW WE ATE LUNCH TOGETHER AND HOW WE LAUGHED OUT. . .AND CRACKED JOKES. .IT WONT BE THE SAME - - NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN. .:(
too often we don't realize what we have until it's gone. .
too often we wait too late to say "i'm sorry, i was wrong"
sometimes it seems we hurt the ones we hold dearest to our hearts and we allow foolish things to tear us apart, and with that we can't stand forgiving and forgetting. .that's the time we regert. .
". .i want to go back at those moments when you were mine, and I was yours. .
. .because at those times, i thought that love was just him and me -- just him and me. .
but today, love is her and him.- just her and him. ."
