Throne of Glass - Imagines and Drabbles

Dorian Havilliard - "That doesn't mean I'm not going to try"

Set during the final pages of "Queen of Shadows", book 4 in the "Throne of Glass-series" by Sarah J. Maas. Contains MASSIVE spoilers about Dorian's journey throughout the book.  

You shifted your weight in the seat next to his bed. Every time you were afraid that he was not going to wake up anymore you focussed on his chest, moving up and down in a steady rhythm.

Three days had passed. Three days since he had destroyed the glass castle, since he had killed his own father, since he had used so much of his magical powers that he didn't have any energy left to wake up and open his eyes.

You stood up from your chair and carefully you took the warm cloth from his forehead. You had lost count of how often you had exchanged it already and you didn't even know if it helped him in any way. You just had to do something, no matter how useless it turned out to be.

"Where are you going..."

You froze and stood still. The cloth in your trembling hands was ice cold and you felt a shiver rolling down your spine. Slowly you turned around and your eyes met his for a short moment. You held your breath.

He still looked weak, his skin pale white and the bright blue of his eyes not as bright as it used to be. He had not bothered to push himself up. His head still rested on the white pillow and he had his hands folded on his stomach.

"I was going to get you another warm cloth." You bent your head and stared at your feet. You didn't know how much he remembered, how much he remembered from what he had done, both the things he had done himself and the things the demon inside of him had done using his body.

"Don't." Dorian's voice sounded a little raw and he cleared his throat while he moved a little to the side. "I don't need that cloth." He shook his head and then he tapped the bed. "Come sit with me, please?" His eyes filled themselves with tears and you nodded before you carefully sat down next to his still recovering body.

"How are you feeling?" You whispered. You wanted to ask him so many other questions, but this seemed to be the only one that actually mattered.

"Empty..." Dorian avoided your glance and he stared at the closed door. He was probably feeling so many other things, but unable to find the right words to describe them. "Aren't you afraid of me?" His voice was trembling a little.

"No..." You shook your head. "Rowan..." You swallowed and shrugged your shoulders. "They told me that you wouldn't be able to use your powers for a while." You took a deep breath and licked your lips. "And I somehow like to think that despite everything you've said and done when you weren't you..." You held your breath. "There is a part of you remembering that you actually kinda like me..."

Dorian's lips curled up into a hesitating smile. "I assume you still kinda like me too, despite the fact that I'm probably broken beyond repair?"

You swallowed, weighing all your words as carefully as you could. "Maybe I can't fix you, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to try." You grabbed his hand and noticed that his skin was still much colder than yours. "And even if you can't be fixed at all..." You paused for a moment. "I'm pretty sure I can still love you."

"We'll see..."