Stories About Hope

Gone, all gone

I stood in front of the large window, a towel wrapped around my body, my dark hair still wet, looking at my reflexion in the glass.

I was exhausted and tired, not just physically but also mentally, I could see it in my eyes. Dull and gray they starred back at me.

I knew I had wanted it, but I had never wanted it like this.

I heard his steps approaching before his reflexion appeared next to mine.

His warmth comforted my skin, his warmth I had gained so often but never the way I wanted to.

"Are you okay?", he asked quietly.

Nothing more than a disguise of concern, I knew it by now.

I had so many things to tell him, all those ways he hurt me over and over again.

I had so many things to ask him, all those questions what he did this for.

"Why?", I whispered.

He furrowed his brows in confusion and laid his hands on my waist gently.

"Why what?"

I slightly leaned against his body.

I knew I couldn't tell him what I really think, I was just too afraid to lose him, yet he had never been mine, so what would I lose?

How long was this supposed to go on?

How long will I allow him to play with me?

Where was my pride?

Gone, all gone, like the innocent life I had once lived.

"I hate you.", I said.

"I know", he answered and kissed the top of my head, "I love you too."

Lies...

Just lies...

If he just knew...

"No, you don't," I mumbled, barely audible.

""Mmh?", he asked lowering his head so he could understand me better.

His breath tickled my skin.

"Nothing"

"Tell me what's wrong."

Silence enveloped us.

He turned me around and pulled me into a tight embrace.

I could hear is heartbeat, feel his chest rise and fall to the rhythm of his breath, a rhythm I knew all too well, a rhythm I couldn't stand to hear and couldn't live without.

He began to kiss down my neck sending a shiver down my spine. His hair softly brushed my cheek.

Why?

Why am I so weak?

Tears were building up in my eyes.

I knew what would happen next.

I had always wanted it, but I had never wanted it like this.

Where was my strength to resist?

Where was my pride to refuse?

Gone, all gone, like the innocent life I had once lived