SHOW not TELL!
We’ve all got that one hate, that one thing that turns us off reading. Mine? Well it’s one exact phrase for me and that is… “Oh and by the way I’m a werewolf.” GRRRRR
I HATE IT! So much that if I read it in the first chapter I will remove the book from my library.
WHY? Because I have a brain, really! I like to think about my characters, why do they act that way? Not be told everything from their hair colour, their shoe size and their bodies’ curves and their attitudes in the first paragraph.
Please I don’t walk around in the day describing myself to myself. If you’re in my head you’ll probably hear a lot of weird thoughts, conversation mock ups and stuff about horses. lol.
People love to use their brains and yes they like the assumption they have a brain. I personally struggling with this as well, but showing and telling the same point lol so I’m not perfect at this either.
This can happen in both first and third person but generally I see the majority of ‘telling’ in first person.
There’s a lot of ways to fix this but most of the time you can show by using other people to observe things about the main character… or use physical things in the environment to allude to the effect.
Okay as I like examples here’s a multitude… (By the way, these tells are actually things I have read lol)
-TELL: I have a cat.
-SHOW: Before I step into the room I quickly scan my clothes for the expected orange and white tabby hairs that will adorn me like a fur rug.
-TELL: I have brown wavy locks that go down to my waist. (This one is used A LOT)
-SHOW: Other character speaking … “Bianca, God you annoy me. The rain seems to only enhance your hair (biatch). You’d think with hair that long that it would drop straight not keep the waves but only get shinier. Rain must only hate blondes.”
- TELL: My eyes are the colour of the blue sky.
-SHOW: Other character, “Let’s look totally hideous tonight. It will be fun. You should wear green eye shadow all around your eyes because blue and green should never be seen!”
-TELL: I have an awesome figure
NB: everyone has different opinions what is an awesome figure, it could be curves, skinny… for me it’s athletic.
-SHOW: Waiting for him wondering if he will even turn up, my arms are wrapped around my waist and my hands nervously knead into the small mounds of muscle on my stomach. (That probably makes no sense but you get my drift, I’ve been in the chlorine for too long.)
-TELL: I’m the most popular girl in school. (Please)
-SHOW: Walking to my locker can be a challenge; in fact, I have to get to school a good half an hour earlier than I really should need to. People keep stopping me and talking or it’s me stopping a conversation to wave and smile….
-TELL: I’m so bad ass people don’t even look my way until my back is turned.
-SHOW: this is one of those things that need to be shown all the way through the story; you can’t be badass unless you actually SHOW that you are. Saying that you are… is just try hard. Real badasses don’t say anything, it’s their whole demeanour and actions that have us thinking they are badass.
-TELL: I’m gorgeous (gag!)
-SHOW: “I don’t want to go in there,” I frown at the packed video game store
“Why not,” huffs Amy, “you’re such a kill joy. It will be fun!”
“It won’t Amy, I’ll get stared at, hit on and manhandled, look how many guys are in there. Last time was horrible.”
One thing I hate as well are mirror scenes, stories have to be somewhat realistic, mirror scenes are for lazy writers… plus come on in all honestly, who looks in the mirror bar that couple of times you’re all done up and think Holy crap I’m hot stuff.
Normally, you look in the mirror until your face changes into something from Grimm, that pimple looks like its going to be bigger than the eruption at Mount Vesuvius and your pores look deep enough to hide the blocks of chocolate you’ve been stuffing in with room to spare.
So please hold off the mirror scenes or be realistic about them, no one is perfect and it’s bloody annoying to read about people that are written so. They don’t connect with the readers.
Anyway there are my thoughts for the fortnight. If any one wants any help on a chapter or paragraph changing it from telling to showing… leave a message below and I will pick one! :D
Check you later! xxx palominolane
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