Stories About Hope

Finding Hope

The sun slowly set behind the hill covered by trees and immersed the landscape in red-golden light.
I went towards the horizon - the other one, not the one everyone would have starred at in awe because of its beauty and clearness.
The other one.
Away from the sun, that threw her last rays to earth, before she would disappear in in a spectacle of blood red and dark blue, just to rise again next day after a long break.
I stumbled and stayed lying down.
I couldn't get up again, I had done this way too often, had fallen way too often.
But as against the sun I couldn't find rest.
Not from myself, not from life nor fate.
I just couldn't go one like this anymore - and I didn't want to.
Closing my eyes I imagined how it would be to just disappear. Not the way I disappeared because I ran away, but to disappear from this world. To die.
I wanted to cry because it should never have ended like this, but there weren't any tears left.
Why am I even here?
Running away from my past, away from what I have done, what others have done to me?
Looking for a place to start a new life, somewhere nobody knows me?
This will be impossible.
Wherever I go, my past will hunt me, I knew it.
I won't be able to forget.
Even if I found a place, I'll wake up in the middle of the night, wet from sweat, with a pounding heart as if it wants to burst out of my chest.
Or ashamed, my mind filled with the feeling of guilt and the deepest desire to just end this pathetic life of mine.
I can't run away.
So why am I here?

It was totally dark by now. The only light left was emitted by the little, twinkling stars and the bright moon that shone over my head in the clear night's sky.
Cold - It was so cold, maybe I would die by just lying here, unable to move, unable to think, unable to hope.
'Is this how it had to end? ' a little voice in my head said.
Yeah, it was.
It was just how it had to end. Even if I didn't like it the slightest. But sometimes you can't change anything, you are just the ball life plays with.
'Isn't it your decision, if you stand up again? Isn't it your decision, if you move on, whatever happened, if you see the day's brightness instead of the shadow of your past? '
Yeah, maybe it was. But every time I fought, every time I stood up again, the pain as I fell was less bearable. Never anything became better.
Why should I go on like this?
'You can't say that it never becomes better, if you never try. '
I rolled on my back to face the sky.
Why should this time be different?
Why shouldn't it be different?
The moon starred down at me in silence.
It almost looked peaceful.
I was tired... Just so tired...
My eyes fell shut. I didn't care.
If I'll wake up tomorrow, it's my fate to move on.
If I died, then so be it, I won't care.

I opened my eyes and sat up.
The warm rays of the morning sun touched my skin and stroke my back.
I was alive.
Turning around, I looked at the rising yellow ball of fire that immersed the landscape in golden light.
Looking at it in awe because of its beauty I decided to stand up.
Following my path I went towards the horizon. Not the dark one, where the sun sets and hope dies.
The other one, the one where it rises, every day, over and over again.