I have always thought that heart break is one of the main reason why people write. They turn their grief into art and their broken pieces into master pieces. That's why I concluded that I will write a lot of things about you too.
But I guess I've ran out of words to say. I feel so empty that even words cannot express how I feel. So this is going to be the first and the last time I will write something about you.
You don't deserve a single sheet of paper in my diary but what can I do? There are still a lot things I didn't get to say but boy it doesn't matter if this will reach you or not. I just want to lay everything down in this single sheet and end it.
END IT.
I wish I could end my foolishness with this single sheet of paper. I wish I could end this loneliness I feel every night because I could not even count the sleepless nights I had since you left. How can I sleep at night when I feel like my heart's exploding with so much emotions? How can I sleep at night when even in my dreams you're ruining me?
They say love is made to destroy you but no one ever warned me how wonderful it is to be destroyed by you.
You are a beautiful disaster. The sweetest downfall... my first heart break.
You are an announced thunderstorm. I saw the signals and the warnings—I even heard it but never listened to it. I always knew that you are a heart break waiting to happen but I ignored all the signs and indulge myself in the moment because maybe, just maybe, you are worth it.
It happened. The rain drowned me, the thunder shook me and now I'm alone facing the aftermath. How can I blame anyone when I knew it all along but I didn't run away to shelter myself from the catastrophe that is going to happen?
I hope I can regret everything. I hope I can regret you.
But how can I regret you? How can I regret the nights we shared together when they were my favorite memories of you?
Damn, I will never regret you. In fact, if we're going back in time I will still choose to make the mistake of loving you. Because why the hell not?
After all, you will always be my favorite mistake.
....and I guess a single sheet is not enough but I'll stop here. We'll stop here.
xo,
your kiddo
