Hearts Bleed (On Hold)

This is Wrong.

There he is. There he will stay... Forever. Looking down at the brown casket with cold wet rain drops splattered around. It lowers slowly. Which I don't understand because I feel they really want us to cry for the suspense of the drop. Why. Why is all I have to say. Some say it's time for him to be with God, others say he was the stupid kid who ran away and showed up dead in the woods with bear bottles around him. It's wrong... All of this is wrong. This isn't Max. He doesn't smoke, drink, party. He was the good sibling. The one the parents are the most proud of... The perfect child. So why was he found like that. Cops say they couldn't find out more information towards the case... I just feel like they gave up and went to the " important" cases like rape, and murder. THIS WAS MURDER! Max would never drink or even be in the woods late at night. Detectives told us that the DNA on the beer bottles was all him. I think this was a set up... Someone killed him and made it seem like it was his own fault. Either way it's over. He's dead... Nothing I can do. I hate this! I hate the suspense. Lower the DAUM thing. Get it over with. I hate this.

My dad puts his arm around my shoulder. I can feel the rain on my hair and my cold exposed arms. This was truly the worst day for a funeral. The rain made it more sad and all our family looks absolutely terrible. I have a big family. My mom has 3 sisters and 5 brothers. My dad on the other hand was adopted and never truly knew his family... So for all I know I could have lots more aunts, uncles or cousins. I have a younger sister who is 13, and a baby brother who's 2. Miranda, and Mikel. My mom loved M names. She was one of those superstitious freaks. We'll not a freak I have my superstitions. Like the death of my brother! Max was everything to me. He was the older brother every girl dreams of. Protective, fun , and overall their for you whenever. Max was my comfort. He would stay with me when it was lightning outside. He could tell when I'm down... Which now is every fringing day!

I turn away from the casket taking a look at my sister. She's snuggled up against my mom crying her eyes out. Everyone's probably wondering why I'm not crying. They now our relationship. I don't know... I can't find myself to cry anymore. He's gone. Not coming back. I repeat in my head those exact words. I need to believe them. I love Max with all my heart but now that he's gone my heart is bleeding.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~THE RESEPTION~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

" Oh Makayla... You look gorgeous. Just like your mom" a family freind I don't know says to me as i watch her chew on her tuna sandwich. I don't know how people can eat at a funeral. I want to trow up seeing everyone eating talking, laughing. It's a funeral for God sakes. Everyone is suppose to be crying, hugging each other. Everything about this is wrong. The death and the funeral.

My brother wobbles over to my legs as I'm leaning against the wall closets to the exit door. " Mawkwalya." He reaches his arms up for me to carry him. Baby. I pick him up from under his arm placing him on my lap. " How are you swista?" I kiss the side of his head and smile. " Okay." He pokes my cheek and giggles. My dad calls him from across the room. Mikel runs towards my dad. Am I the only one who is depressed in here. Even my dad is smiling and laughing.

My mom on the other hand is in the corner with my grandmother. You can see the dried tears on her cheeks. Max and my mom were close as we'll. Having the son who was president at school, captain of the lacrosse team, and a straight A student. Saddest part Max got accepted into Yale Univesity. That thought makes me want to cry. Every since Max was 5 he had posters of Yale signs he visited the website like everyday. He died the next day after finding out he got accepted. That broke my moms heart most of all.

I need to leave... Like now. I can't do this anymore. I gesture to my dad that I'm waiting in the car.

~~~~~~~~~~ HOUR LATER ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The drive felt so long. Silence filled the car. No one was talking everyone was either looking out the window or falling asleep. My dad drove for at least 2 hours. We decided to burry Max by the rest of our family that passed away which was far away from our home.

We live in a modern style home. Big but not to big. Living in the high part of Vancouver we had to present ourselves properly... meaning rich, and manners.

We got home around 9 at night. It was pitch dark outside. Mikel was fast asleep, Miranda was in the back of the car playing flappy birds on her phone for 2 hours straight. Dad grabbed

Mikel and headed for the front door. My mom spinned around her chair slowly telling Miranda and I to get out of the car. As we stepped into the house Pebbles ran to our feet happy and excited. Pebbles is our dog. He's a shiatsu.

I ran upstairs to my bedroom which is at the end of the hall. I turned on my light which is actually a hot pink colour which suited my room complety. My room was wide. I have a queen size bed with red and pink comforter and pillows, my walls are filled with Pierce the Veil posters and pictures of my family, Max, and Cody my best friend since pampers. My closet was basic... Not a walk in but had lots of space. I'm not much of a shopper. I mostly buy whatever's on sale and has pink or red in it. My wardrobe consists of high waisted shorts, denim jeans, tops with crazy designs on them. My number one obsession is makeup... Especially red lipsticks. I'm known for my red lips. My last name is Red so people call me Red or Rouge. It's my trademark :) .

After getting settled in I toke a long shower in my own bathroom. After putting on my pj's I jumped in my bed and scrolled through my phone on Twitter and Instagram. Nothing but " sorry bout your brother"," missing Max A Million", "Max sexy nerd self will be missed". Yuck. Horny Teenage Girls. I turn my head to my dresser looking at the picture of Max and I. I kiss it and turn off my bed lamp.

2 am. Can't sleep. I got out of bed and made my way down to the living room quietly not wanting to wake up anyone... Especially Mikel. As I get down stairs I walk over to the couch.

" OH GOSH!" I jump as I see my mom on the couch.

She smiles and pats the cushion beside her. I sit next to her putting my legs up on the couch covering my legs with my baggy sweater.

"Sorry I scared you Hunny. I'm just watching some old home videos."

I turn my head towards the tv watching the video of Max and I singing A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton. I giggle and choke alittle as watching the video hurts.

My mom wraps her arms around me and pulls me close to her.

" Max is in a better place now. He's up their watching over us. If he was here right now he wouldn't want us to cry... He'd want us to praise his life." My mom explains as she settles her head on top of mine.

My family is Catholic. We believe in God and Afterlife. We'll they do... I'm still deciding. I don't understand how a God can take someone off this earth, or let people murder each other, rape each other. I have so many questions towards religion. But at this moment I can't fine myself to believe in him right now.

...Not until he can tell me why and the REAL reason how my brother died.