V A C A N T ; Justlex

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TW - EATING DISORDERS, SELFHARM, ETC !!!

Love you guys. Leave comments if you'd wish :)

Just please please NO HARSH CRITICISM!! I am using this to vent basically and am NOT in a good mental state.

Thank you for reading. I am here to talk if this upsets you.
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Sometimes Alex felt in control. Everything was going smoothly today. All he had eaten was 3 strawberries and some coffee with almost too much nonfat milk. He felt in control today.

That wavered slightly when lunchtime rolled around in their forever chilled school. Or maybe that was just Alex.

"Hey, Standall, come sit with us!" Yelled one of the jocks.

Alex didn't bother glancing over his shoulder to see who it was. He didn't care.

The words sliced through the tension ridden air, slicing it into small square sized pieces small enough to swallow, one by one down your throat. They were coated in blood known as caring.Alex bristled visibly at the thought of sitting down with them, which meant eating, but then soothed himself. He could play this off. The ways to go through this situation flashed through his mind.

A. Leave

B.  Sit and don't eat, use some sort of excuse

C. Melt into the floor, become liquid flesh and seep into the cracks where no one could find him ever again

He chose option B. It seemed to be the easiest one, rather than having names thrown at him like darts for abandoning his "friends". The bleach blond turned on his heel, walking at a normative pace towards them. Normative was the key word. He had to act normative.

Be normal. Think normal. Act normal.

He could do everything except eat normally. He refused to do that. He sat down at the table, careful not to be close enough to anyone that they could reach his body. Carefully crafting a fool's gold smile onto his face, he laughed along with them. Laughter was the easiest way to fool them into thinking he was fine.

Before they even knew it (but Alex did, he had been watching the clock), lunch was over. The day only had two hours left. Two hours of purgatory, bumping into bodies at they passed through hallways like corpses, passing blurred faces he'd never know.

Or maybe he would get to know one of these faces one day. He didn't like to speculate on this. It was enough work hiding himself from his family, those he spent time with. He didn't need more people to watch over him like hungry hawks. All they wanted was to ruin all the progress he'd made. Like a mouse, he was constantly hiding from them. His doctor, his family. He had destroyed his relationship with his therapist long ago.

Alex went through the last few classes in a foggy daze, his mind enveloped in mist. He probably got a C on an algebra quiz, but what did it matter? Logically, the blonde knew it mattered in the long run. His brain just was clogged up with repeating thoughts that he couldn't expel. His report card wouldn't be the best this year. But he would pass.

Arriving home via the bus, he stepped out into the air. Dizziness ruptured behind his eyelids and deep within his head as he suddenly stood up, blood pressure rapidly falling. He just breathed for a second, closing his eyes and tilting his head up so he couldn't see the sky tilting at an extremely awkward angle, the air swimming around him. It always eventually faded.

Except for those times it didn't, the times he couldn't find his way out of his foggy fuck up of a brain. First came the blackness, then the spasms. Usually it was over in less than three minutes. He tried to contain these lapses in control to his house. Preferably his own room. Speaking of, he was there.

He wasn't even that aware of entering his own house, pausing at his bedroom door. It was plain. No stickers,not a sign, no decorations. And Alex didn't care. He did not feel negativity towards it, nor did he feel positivity. It was a dull, aching, grey apathy in his chest. But that was whenever he looked towards anything nowadays. The world was grey.

He blinked, resumed moving his limbs, and slid into his dull room. His insides withered quickly as he sat in the chair near his desk. His brain felt like it had stopped, though that'd began long ago. Alex numbly stared at his bitten down nails. His brain started up again. He was considering making more lines of sparkling ruby red jems on his snow white skin when he heard his phone buzz.

That snapped him out of his haze. His hand shot towards the phone, his brain craving for someone to show him that they cared, that he wasn't as empty as he thought he was.

It was Justin. Justin Foley.

He was very confused as to why the flannel wearing, brown haired boy was texting him of all people. They didn't talk. There were words on his screen, incomprehensible words of pain.

"Alex. I'm going to ask for a favor, respond when you see this."

"Alex please answer."

"Where r u??"

"Alex please"

"I'm outside."

One minute ago the last text was recieved. Alex shot out of his chair and raced down the steps, ignoring the exploding colors behind his eyes. He didn't know why he was helping Justin, hell, he really should hate that flannel wearing shithead.

The feeling he felt wasn't hate and wasn't apathy. It threw him off balance more than he cared to admit, stuck in his ways of numbness.

The golden handle turned in his hands before he consciously decided to open it. The door hissed, almost as if he was letting in an evil spirit to infect his grey, soggy house with feelings and crispness.

He let in Justin despite his lingering feelings of that questionable feeling. The door swung towards him.

Eye to eye with the also blue eyed boy, he tried to search for feelings in his eyes. The brunette was doing the same to him. However, nothing showed. They both had the curtains inside of them drawn, destroying every bit of evidence that would've floated to the tops of the black holes in their eyes.

Justin opened his mouth, bullshit lies coming out of it to explain why he was here of all places.

"Hey Alex, so um.. I got locked out my house and no one else would answer the phone."

Alex nodded his head in response, pretending he didn't know Justin was lying. No words escaped him yet. He was sure it seemed eerie to Justin, but he couldn't bring himself to care quite enough.

"Come on in, Foley."

With those words, they were inside. The door slammed behind both of them.

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!!! THERE WILL BE MORE ACTION IN UPCOMING CHAPTERS !!
it won't be as boring as this lol