he's free : tsukkiyama

//one//

he's gone. he's gone and it's my fault. i didn't show him my love, how much i appreciated him. as time went on, these feelings i've harboured seemed to dull and fade away. how? he was the love of my life, my star. i didn't show him how much he meant to me. i didn't tell him i loved him, and oh boy, did i. i was head over heels for this boy. but now he's gone.
i, tsukishima kei am responsible for yamaguchi tadashi's death. no one knows this. no one except me. i know exactly why he did it. i know how he got to that point. i know it was my fault. can i just move on? no, i'll slowly heal but the scars i gave him will be a constant reminder of how over time, i became selfish and nonsensical. how i lost my deserving for the respect from the man i loved. how i digressed into this mess of a human.
our relationship was never perfect, even how we met, but somehow we made it work. obviously not well enough. he deserved so much better. he should have gotten all the love in the world, something i didn't give him. the beginning of our relationship was bliss, neither of us thought it would collapse so quickly. we planned our future under the blanket of the night sky with the quiet wind and stilled life. how could i have been so oblivious? how could i let his precious life slip between my fingers like fine grains oof sand?
the life we started together was a beautiful mistake. we loved eachother, or so we thought. we said nothing, no one would come between us. oh how we were so wrong. it was mainly me though, who was foolish. i fed the both of us constant lies that i had started to believe. i only realized where i had went wrong once he was gone.
i will forever regret the days where i pushed him off and neglected him. he needed me. actually, he just needed someone and while he was with me, he was trapped. he couldn't go to anyone else and he was stuck with me, the brick wall. i should've listened. i should've cared. but i didn't, and it's far too late to change that now. i shouldn't even feel lonely. when i had him i practically abandoned him. how could i just be realizing how dependent i was on him?
he's gone and it's my fault.

an-i'm trying a new style for these books so stay tuned, thanks for reading!