I was at the shoreline in the night time. Darkness surrounded me, every inch of clear air engulfed by it. The moon shone out onto the water, as it gently rolled in over my toes. The sand beneath my feet was warm. I stared out over the water, into darkness, as far as my eyes could manage to see, searching for him.
Admitting defeat with a sigh, I turned around and walked back up towards my house, my eyes set down at the sand. I knew I could never find him. And that's when I heard the whoosh behind me and the soft thud on the sand. I wasn't scared, no. I knew it was him. And then those wings enclosed me, consumed my tiny body. Home. I turned around and buried my face into his chest, closed my eyes, lavished in his warmth, listened to the sea as the white horses crashed and fell so beautifully, so peacefully. A second later and my feet left the floor, floating upwards. I looked into his sunny brown eyes and he smiled that content grin that only I have seen. I looked way up above me, to the fluffy black clouds miles up that grew ever closer by the second. I wasn't scared of them. Not scared of the darkness anymore. We broke through the clouds into white. Pure, bright white. And kept rocketing up and up and up, until the clouds seemed miles beneath my bare feet. I laughed as he laughed too, and his eyes lit up as he giggled, but then he let go. His wings disappeared from around me, as I plummeted down.
'HELP!' I screamed as I flailed about, waiting for his hands to grab mine, like they always had. When I had him. But I fell still, through the clouds, no hands in mine, no strong arms catching me. Tumbling back into the black, back into the scene without him. Lost him, again. My body hit the freezing cold water and I jolted awake; my heart racing, my mind screaming, my body shaking. The sweat dampened my hair and my clothes. I slowly stepped out of bed and walked over to my drawers.
I don't know why I was so shocked. It was the fall. It wasn't him.
I'd seen him since I was a little girl, 5 or 6 maybe. He'd just stand there, in random places. Like when I was in town, I'd see him stood there. At a friend's birthday party I saw him once. His visits were...Infrequent. Once or twice a year possibly. Then when I was 9, Mum and Dad broke up. I'd sit on the windowsill and cry as they argued downstairs and that's when I'd see him outside my window, stood in the shade of the cherry tree in the park across the road. And then when I was 12, and Dad got remarried and moved away to Australia, he would come into my house. It scared me at first, but after the first few times, I felt a certain ... warmth from him. Like a heavenly glow that made me feel happy and tingly when I was around him. Like everything bad would slip away. And when I was 14, with hardly a family left or hope to cling on to, I was diagnosed with depression. That's when he started sitting at the end of my bed. He'd sit there, so tranquil, just looking at me. I didn't mind him being there, in fact I felt better when he was there. Safe. He'd watched me as I slept; made sure I was out of harm's way. I thought everyone could see him too. But they couldn't.
One morning, when I was 14, I woke up and walked downstairs with him. Mum was stood in front of the mirror in the hall, doing her makeup, getting ready for work and yet she didn't see him. In fact she stood right on his feet in her big high heels. I told her not to stand on him. She looked at me like I was crazy. She took me to see a woman called Bernadette. She told me she was going to help me with my 'problem'. I didn't know what she was talking about, but somehow he knew. He knew everything. He would walk with me there but the moment I walked into Bernadette's office, he flew away. Every time I went to Bernadette, he just ... disappeared.
I was 17 now, my depression was gone. It looked like the meds had helped. But... he wasn't around me anymore. He'd left me. And that's why I had those terrible nightmares that he wasn't with me. Then I'd up and realise life is the nightmare.
I changed into fresh shorts and a vest and got back into my clammy bed. I thought of all the times I'd seen him, how he'd just sit there; his brown eyes specked with green shining back, his mouth curled up in a smile, his brown hair set perfectly, not too long but not too short. As I closed my eyes and felt that comfortable, heavenly glow emanate from the space in bed beside me, sheltering me once again. I pulled my blanket up over my head, imagining it was his wings, that I was back home in his arms and at once, I fell into a deep sleep.
