Vampires Aren't Romantic

 When Mya Chesterfield met Garret Lincoln, she was absolutely certain of two things.

One: He was a vampire. Two: Some part of him thirsted for her blood. Hopefully not the whole part.

 How did she know, you might be wondering? Well, it was rather obvious, the way he pulled her out of the streets and into a dark alley, and then proceeded to attempt to suck her blood. He didn't get much farther than that, though.

This is because, just as he went in for the kill, Mya disrupted him. Normally, nothing can disrupt a vampire about to get a fresh hot meal, in fact disruptions are expected, but what Mya did was exactly what Garret wasn't expecting.

She giggled.

Mya had seen enough teenage paranormal romance movies to know that when you come face to face with a real, actual vampire, you don't have to be scared. She knew that Garret would never hurt her, and if he had been so tempted by the smell of her blood to the point where he would grab her off the street and almost eat her, then he probably, in fact, loved her.

It was common knowledge really.

So that's why Garret was surprised. Screaming, he could deal with. Begging for mercy? Expected! But a teenage girl, being pulled into an alley by a vampire, and about to become nothing more than a sad excuse for a meal, giggling? That was unheard of! And even weirder, when Garret hesitated at her giggle, she didn't even try to escape! Just lay there, limp in his arms.

Slowly, Garret pulled away from her neck, and looking at her face became totally confused.

Her lips were puckered.

Never in his entire time on this earth had a human being ever even toyed with the idea of  kissing him. The few vampires he had kissed had even commented that he tasted like burnt toast and death. Why the heck would this random girl want to kiss him? Especially considering he had just assaulted her and pulled her into and alley. Is that how the modern world is now? He had heard girls these days liked 'bad boys', he had just never realized that 'bad boys' meant the low-life's that abducted them and pulled them into dark alleys.

Suddenly, Garret was jerked out of his thoughts by the girl speaking.

"Can you read my mind?"

Garret was not sure why this girl would think he could read her mind, or even bother answering her question, but he thought that even though he was a cold, dead, parasite, he could still grant this girl a last request before he sucked her dry.

If the answer to a stupid, obvious question was what she wanted, then so be it.

"No."

Mya beamed triumphantly. It was all going perfectly. Deep in her heart, her soul even, she knew that he would never hurt her.

She needed to tell him. Looking up at his confused face, she knew she couldn't let him be confused any longer. So she took a deep breath and told him exactly what he needed to hear.

"There's a  reason you can't read my thoughts. It's really complicated actually, but the simplified version basically is that its because we're soulmates."

Garret was beyond confused. He was.....perplexed. Was there something wrong with this human? Did she get dropped on her head as a baby? Was she messing with him? Was this all part of some elaborate plan to escape?

He looked down and narrowed his eyes at the human.

"You can't escape!" He told her gruffly. It was true. there was no way she could escape, he was too powerful. Unfortunately, the girl seemed to misunderstand his warning.

"I know!" she shouted with passion in her eyes. "I know you can't escape the power of love!!!"

Oh brother, Garret thought. Wait.....are those tears in her eyes?!?

"I'm sorry I'm crying!" she whispered to him. Garret was actually glad she was crying, because it was a normal symptom of being attacked by a vampire! Finally! Something he could work with!

"Don't be sorry." He whispered back, and then went in for the kill yet again. However, her next words stopped him.

"I'm just so happy...."

Happy? Those were tears of joy?!?

Garret had had enough! No meal was worth this! He stood up and roughly threw her back into the street where she had come from. Just as he was about to disappear into the shadows, he had the final word.

"I don't know who you think you are, but I'm not good for you! I'm a predator and I will eat you for lunch!!!"

Then he retreated into the night, and thank God the girl didn't follow him.

Mya, now alone on the street, was not discouraged.

She knew that he would deny their love at first, and his warning of his predatorial instincts proved just how much he wanted to keep her safe.

He already cared about her.

That's why, as she set forward to her house, she wasn't nervous, or emotionally damaged, or any of the other things a person would normally be after barely surviving a vampire attack.

She was excited.

Looking forward to the day he would be back. She knew, without a doubt, that he'd be back.

Because they were soulmates.

A/N: If you didn't get it, this story pokes fun at Twilight haha. Don't get me wrong, I love Twilight when I'm in the mood! But basically, this story is what I think would happen if a vampire tried to attack a girl today, and this would happen as a result of too many vampire romances, including Twilight.  Hope you enjoyed it, but let me know what you thought in the comments!        

Also, if you liked this story, you might like my other story called Werewolves Don't Have Soulmates. It's similar to this only it focuses on werewolves. :D           -Steph