It was just another day. Another day that I will live in pain.Another day I have to deal with the bullying. Another day without having anyone to care about me. I get up, get dressed, skip breakfast and skip making my lunch for school, and head out to wait for the bus.
This was in 2012... Grade 5...
I'm in grade 9 now. I suffer from depression, suicidal thoughts and tendencies. As well as extreme anxiety. I have moved to 4 different schools since grade 6, trying to escape the torture. if you are wondering... yes I cut, yes my arms are covered in scars and so are my sides. Two weeks ago, I tried to commit suicide, I did not succeed. I sat on the bathroom floor at school with a bottle of pills in my hand. I didn't want to do it anymore. I didn't want the hurt, I didn't want the thoughts. The bullying stopped for a while when I went to a program called CASA house. It helped me to love me again. I guess it didn't work... When I left CASA I left Wetaskiwin and went to live with my mom outside of Sherwood park on an acreage. Everything was great, for a while. After I got back into a normal school, my mom and step-dad started drinking a lot. I couldn't handle it. They were always fighting, or yelling at one of us kids (my two younger brothers or myself). I started to fall back into depression, and soon enough I was cutting again. eventually that wasn't enough. I wanted more, I wanted to give up... I just had to plan it, then wait for the right time.
Three weeks later, I got yelled at again. It ended up in a huge fight. I was done fighting. It hurt to much. I wrote three letters that night to my boyfriend and my two friends. Saying what was going on and that I was sorry. The next morning before I left the house. I grabbed a bottle of pills from the cupboard, and walked out the door to catch the bus.
When I got to school I gave the letters to the people, then went and sat in the bathroom on the floor in a locked stall. A few minutes passed and I opened the bottle of pills and grabbed my water bottle in the other hand, ready to take the pills when I heard my best friend say unlock the door... I said no. But she then crawled underneath the stall and unlocked the door. To let the school councler in. I was crying and shaking really badly. I quickly closed the pill bottle and hid it but it wasn't fast enough. My friend asked me what it was. I told her it was nothing. Then she tried to take it and realized it was a bottle of pills. Then the bell rang and she want to class and left me with the vice principle and the school councler. The principle took me to her office and made me talk to my mom which caused another fight. Then I got taken to the hospital by the police. I spent the day there. Now I am in the process of being signed over to the government. My life is still hell and I fight every day to keep my head up and live. I am living with my auntie until the decision is made that I will be put in a new home.
Some of you might think this is fake... but i can assure, its not... This is my story... Thank you for reading this and hopefully trying to understand and care.
