Summer Love (Forever Series Novella) - unedited

Chapter 1 - Toby

"Te odio!" I spit out. I hate him. The burning rage building up inside as I am forced to converse with this family that isn't my own.

       "I told you to speak English in the house! You will respect my rules while you are here. Do you understand me? Your mother and siblings don't understand you!" My father spits out. I can feel my face burning red. She isn't my mother. And they are not my siblings. I don't have a brother and sister...

       I stare past my father's imposing body. I see my stepmother and their two small children, Jamie and Molly, pretending they aren't listening in on another argument my father and I are having. Molly is tucked in and sitting in Debi's lap sucking her thumb with a sleepy look on her face, while Jamie's deep blue eyes are marked in concern. His bowl of Chocolate Pebbles lays untouched, soggy.

They had woken up early, because they had heard my father and I screaming at each other. I feel sorry about waking them up, especially Jamie who is at the same age as me when my father walked out. He's not stupid, he knows something is wrong and that look on his face, the concern, I put that there. He looks at me like I hung the moon. The older brother he always wanted. We both carry the deep-rooted Spanish looks. While my eyes are a brown hazel like color, both Jamie and Molly's are set blue like their mother's eyes and hair jet black like our father's. 

      Everyone looks sleepy, I mean who likes to be woken up before the sun has risen. Almost every conversation ends up like this. My father set me off this morning when he tried to have a "normal" conversation with me about what I have been up to. As if he really cared about my life. Where was he the last six years? Not in our home, and certainly not with me. No he was with them, being the doting father. With my teeth and fists clenched, I stare up at my father.

        "No me importa. No son mi familia..." I pause, taking long breaths. "You left us! I don't want to be here, just as much as you don't want..." I can feel my eyes begin to burn. I blink hard. No, no, no. I won't start to cry. He doesn't deserve to know any of my feelings beyond anger. I have to get out of his house. I feel like I am suffocating. I try to run past him, but I feel his strong hands grab hold of my hand as if to anchor me in place.

"Tobias, don't... please look at me." I turn away from him and shake my head as I feel him squeeze my hand.

"Tobias, perdóname. Lo siento. I'm sorry." 

        I yank my hands free from his grasp as soon as his last sorry leaves his lips. I can't stand to be in this house another second. I can't hear him apologize for leaving me; leaving us, to find a new and better family. I take long strides towards the door. Without looking back at him, I swing open the door. The door rattles as it slams into the wall. I shake my head from side to side, "No significas nada para mi," I pause and in English so they all can understand me, "You mean nothing to me. I won't ever forgive you," and then I slam the door shut. I run quickly off the porch and down the path towards the beach. The hairs on my arm stand up as my feet beat hard against the ground. The air is crisp and breezy, but I don't care. I need it to be cold as I burn off the anger that I can still feel churning in me. Being this close to him, makes me feel like I'm losing all control, and I never do. His needling questions this morning of how my life is, well fuck him, he doesn't get that luxury. Who gives him the goddamn right to ask how my life is? I could see he was getting agitated when I was giving him monosyllabic answers. I could see it was like poking the bear, part of me enjoyed watching him struggle to gain some sort of ground with me.

        What tipped the conversation over is when he brought up my mother. For a second, it sounded like he truly cared but then I remembered, he can't care about her or me. Maybe he feels guilty being absent all these years but he can't just crawl his way back into my life and expect me to bend to his demands just because I share DNA with him. My feet pick up faster, as I try and work my way through my anger. I can hear the faint sounds of my father calling out my name crossing in the wind.

        At the end of the day, deceit masked in remorse is all that I see when I hear his apologies. He walked away from us and never looked back. I don't owe him anything. And he doesn't deserve my forgiveness. I push harder against the ground, wishing for the memories to fade. Memories of my mother's endless tears, as she begged my father not to walk out. I was thrust into immediate adulthood as I tried to pick up the pieces of him leaving. It took my mom years to get over him leaving us, which is why I was surprised she was forcing me to come here to visit. I didn't even get a choice, she sprung this "bonding time" as she liked to call it, on me last minute. I had been looking forward to spending the summer with my cousins, with my aunt and uncle, but now I had to see him. I love my mom. Despite her bouts with depression, she has always been a constant in my life. I saw the hurt in her eyes when I had yelled at her in the airport. I could barely look at her before she sent me on the plane to come here.

"Why are you making me do this? Lo odio, I hate him mama. Please, I don't want to go there. You have no right to make me go! I just, I can't leave you by yourself." I knew saying that would hurt her feelings, a small reminder of me being her constant shadow. Always ensuring that she was safe, that she was going to be okay.

Toby, please. I know you are angry at me. But, he's your father. He loves you. Bebé, cometí un error. My anger shouldn't have kept you separated from a father that loves you. I was the parent, and I let that responsibility fall to the wayside. Let you carry that burden that I see you carrying with you, always. You deserved a life, a childhood. And I took that away from you. It was my mistake, mijo, not your father's. You were too young to understand at the time. Yo era egoísta. Stop holding onto that anger I put there. Mijo, I love you. You need this summer together... you both do. It's for the best. Just please remember, I love you. Always.

        I walked away watching the tears stream down her face as I told her how much I hated her. I was such a dick to her. I didn't mean to tell her that I hated her, I just couldn't understand why she was doing this. I didn't understand why she was making excuses for him, of all the people in the world, why him. I never walk away angry from her, ever. It was a promise I made her years ago. And I broke it.

          Things haven't gotten any better, I've been here a week, and I have been ignoring her calls. She's left a few messages and I can hear how hurt she sounds in every single one she's left. She sounded really tired on the last message, I do need to talk to her, but I'm so pissed. I don't want to shout at her again, and I know I will once I get on the phone with her. I had hoped a few days of cooling off would've helped, but the constant fighting with my father has set me off to the point, I can't cool off. My only reprieve is the beach. I pick up the pace, wanting to catch the sun rise above the waves. I can feel the wind has picked up, I kick up harder to make sure I make it on time.