Thoughts.

energy

You have your eyes closed. You're laying face down on your mattress. Your neck at an awkward angle, facing the other side of your room and you can feel your ear pressing against the mattress. You can feel your heart beating against the inside of your chest, you can almost feel the blood pumping in and out of the veins and tubes of your heart. You have your phone laying face down under a couple of your fingers, the other fingers laying lazily on your bed. you feel your phone vibrate as you get a message, and hear the notification echo throughout your mattress. You know who the message is from, you know you should check it. But you just don't have the energy. You leave the message unread. You move one of the fingers laying on the sheet of your mattress to feel the soft fabric, just to make sure you're still laying on your bed and not floating in the black hole that is your thoughts. Your eyes drift to your open laptop screen, balancing on your mattress, the screen showing you the very beginning of a paused youtube video. You can almost feel the youtuber begging you to press play so they can start their intro, but you can't. You just don't have the energy. Your eyes drift away again, this time landing on nothing in particular as you start to think about her. You start to think about her soft brown eyes, filled with compassion and knowledge, and her long brown hair. You think about how whenever you're around her you're just consumed by joy, and you forget everything that ever bothered you. You think about how when you're watching youtube videos together and she lays her head on your chest you can practically feel your heart beating out of your chest with excitement and just pure happiness. You think about how every time she messages you first and makes you feel wanted it brightens your day. You think about how whenever she says "I love you" your heart soars with content. And suddenly you have energy again. I hope you know who you are. I hope you know how much I love you. This is just a tiny bit of it. Words can't describe how much I truly love you.