1 A HIGH SCHOOL CLASSROOM
LIZA:
Can I copy someone's homework? I just don't get it. When did we start putting letters in math? Whose stupid idea was that?
JOEY:
Hey, Liza, do you want to come over again this weekend? I thought I could help you with the math --
LIZA:
Joey, hi! Yeah, last weekend was great, but I can't. I'm sorry, my... uh... goldfish is sick.
A bell rings. Enter MR. C.
MR. C:
Okay guys, take out your notebooks and start the bell ringer on the board. It shouldn't take too long, remember I'll be grading these next week --
Enter VLADIMIR.
You're late.
VLADIMIR:
I got lost.
MR. C:
Oh, you must be the new student. (To the class) This is our new student, Vladimir. Try to be nice.
VLADIMIR sits next to LIZA. Class and MR. C pantomime as LIZA and
VLADIMIR talk.
LIZA:
Hi, I'm Liza. I moved here last year. I like the city so far, but you're hot -- I mean, it's really hot. In the summer. Not right now, it's December. Anyway, I like it but the weather isn't great all the time. I'm Liza.
VLADIMIR:
Vlad.
They shake hands.
LIZA:
So, Vlad, what are you doing this weekend?
VLADIMIR:
Probably writing poetry and drinking bl-- Red Bull. Just a typical human weekend.
LIZA:
Well, you could come over to my place instead. I have Netflix. Or we could just hang out. Or we could grab a bite to eat, if you --
VLADIMIR:
(Laughing) I see what you did there. Bite. Oh, you don't get why that's funny.
LIZA:
I don't usually get jokes.
VLADIMIR:
I wouldn't have guessed.
LIZA:
Are you making fun of me?
VLADIMIR:
No, I'm not, I just --
LIZA:
You know what, I don't have to take this, jerk!
Runs offstage, crying.
VLADIMIR runs after her.
2 OUTSIDE THE SCHOOL
Enter LIZA and VLADIMIR.
VLADIMIR:
Liza, I wasn't making fun of you!
He puts his hand on her shoulder.
Using lack of communication as a plot device is frustrating and it's a really weak way of generating conflict, so let's just talk.
LIZA:
I have no idea what you just said, but I'm sorry. I totally overreacted. Let's go back inside, your hands are ice cold. And you're so pale... and... and your name is Vladimir... (She gasps) Bite! I know what you are.
VLADIMIR:
I don't know what you're talking about.
LIZA:
You're a Russian nerd with a weird sense of humor!
VLADIMIR:
What? No! Well... yes, but also I'm a vampire.
LIZA:
That's hot.
