The fact that I'm forever living in a luminous world, flashing lights around me when in fact the world is very dim and dead, drained of all energy and blood, all the components that hold it together. My veins on end, my heart hammering through my chest, the sweat dripping on all ends of my body, the love I had for him was forcibly removed and ripped out of my chest 3 months ago.
I hate putting on this façade when I go to school. When I see him waltzing down the corridors, not a care in the world. Doesn't he know he's the central image to my whole heartbreak, my many problems and my life?
The day he had entered my life was amazing. The day he had kissed me even better but this was how it all began, in this room, period 4, my free. Him and his friends sitting across from me frantically revising for the test next lesson, but love, I'm a nerd. I know what it feels like to stress for an exam, I did that many a time ago and back then, honestly, I never thought I would be like that in terms of revising ever again. However, the day he had walked into my life everything changed, for the worst. My life took a plunge off the side of a cliff and shot deep down into the sea bed called hell. My veins stood on end thinking about my revolting past with him. Him, me, we would never be. What was I thinking? Had I been ludicrous or put on some kind of sedative? I was losing my mind and fast, but honestly, he is the one guy I will ever love. The one I want back in my life despite everything that has been and everything that is to come revolving around him.
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I was sitting in my room, legs crossed, earphones plugged into the sockets: my ears and pumping All Time Low through my veins. I call them the sorrow songs, the ones I can relate to, the ones I love to help me reminisce. I was a newly formed nerd and I was supposed to be revising for my Geology exam in two weeks time; mum had promised me a reward if I did well but in all truth she knew the cause of my sorrow, the cause of my heartbreak.
I attempted one line, it was about limestone and the geology of rocks at the south coast but in all honesty I couldn't seem to concentrate. My mind kept wandering to him. I know this is all repetitious, but when you love someone you will realise that you can't let go, no matter what, you have to fight until the end. You have to supply them with happiness even if it isn't you that can. Sometimes you have to sacrifice your love for the needs of others, but most importantly I simply don't give a fuck if he doesn't like me, he needs to know that I still care!
