Unforgettable

March 15, 2017. I will never be able to forget the day I lost everything. I was really having some doubts about the surgery, I didn't trust the doctors at all, the day we've been waiting for had finally arrived, or so I thought. The night before had been really exasperating, I was not able to sleep. I was so worried about the risks of the surgery and I just couldn't, it was impossible to sleep that day. I had a small talk with him before the procedure. Maybe it was too late to say I love you, but I do not regret saying it. I was finally able to catch some sleep, it was mostly forced since i had to work later that day. Getting to work was awful, sure, getting to work usually makes us grumpy, but on that day, the only thing I could think about was the surgery. I was constantly texting to see if he had gotten out safe and sound, that, however, did not stop me from having a panic attack. My mother texted me, saying that he was okay and that they had taken him to the ICU. I was so relieved, I was so happy to hear that he was safe and sound. Everyone kept telling me: "I told you everything is going to be fine". I couldn't have suspected what was yet to come. I got home and started celebrating with my friends. We were playing monopoly and teasing Housey as always. Everything was great, we had food, beers and we just were happy. Out of nowhere I felt anxiety again. I started to reassure myself that he was just fine and that I was being paranoid. Little did I know what was happening thousands of miles away. As soon as we finished our game, we headed to our rooms. I was talking to my best friend about relationship problems, we were just laughing about the things our exes did to us. We were talking for about an hour when I got a call from home. My first reaction was to think that he had awoken and he was just fine. When I heard my uncle's voice instead of my mother's I instantly worried. He said " Your dad had a rough night and sadly he was not able to make it. I'm so sorry for not doing everything posible to save your dad". I froze, my only reaction was to hang up. The only thing in my mind was "this is not hapenning". I felt powerless, helpless, being miles away just made it worse. I wanted to die in that second, I rushed into the front door aiming for the street, I wanted to throw myself into the tarmac. I prayed for someone to run over me. Thankfully my best friends restrained me from getting out of the house. The only thing I was able to do was cry. I've never felt as devastated, everything was surreal. I gained some composure, thats what he would've wanted after all. I called American Airlines to get a flight asap. A friend drove me tho the airport. I had two hours to waste before my flight. They felt as if they were infinite. I spent my two flights sleeping. When I landed everything hit me, this was really happening. My family was waiting for me at the airport, I just started crying when I saw them. When I got home, there were lots of people dressed in black talking. When they saw me, everyone just shut up. I saw my mother, she was broken. Then I saw something I may not be able to forget: the coffin. I saw him since it was an open casket ceremony. I just couldn't help myself and started crying, I couldn't believe it. I can still see his face pale as a ghost. I couldn't stay there any longer. I went to my parents room with my mother and I started crying out of anger. I knew there was no way he would have just given up, I knew that the real culprit was the health system. I was mad, I blamed the doctors because I knew something was just not right. The surgery was rushed, the exams were outdated and they refused to order more. Burying him was the worst, I felt something break inside me. It was pure torture seeing the coffin in that hole. Since that day I'm still unable to process that he's dead, I don't want to even go visit him because I don't want to remember that he's gone. He was the perfect father, worked his ass off to give me good things in life. I can never say anything bad about him. We might have had a complicated relationship, but I will always love him. I can not forget the little things, like his silly jokes and the way he'd try to cheer you up when you were blue. He's unforgettable, but I am still unable to process his departure.