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"Friends"

Well hi there. Use to have a lot of stories took them down now I'm starting another. No one really cares but I need to get this shit out I'm just fucking done. I guess all start with people who said where my best friends but when I tried to be happy pushed me away. Like for example my favorite picture use to be ...

I was with my best friend we had a good day that day I could recount all the details. But that doesn't matter she hates me. Most do now. It's all my fault. I pushed them away. All for a guy. Who I know will hurt me. But hey he is here. Your not. Another one of my favorite pictures is ...

But I hurt her so fucking bad. All I want to do is beg for forgiveness but I know I don't deserve her. I liked her boyfriend, I took him away. I hate myself for it. She deserves happiness I took it away. Both of these pictures and others I have of them are still in my favorites because they are still important to me I could never let them go. I'm a bitch I know. I hurt both of them. But I guess thy hurt me too. I cried for days on end. They didn't care. One said "how was I suppose to know" well you could have asked yet you never talked to me. When you figured out what I did to myself you figured out cause you said I lied in a story for attention yet I said I wasn't lying and I wasn't. But you looked at me with blank eyes. You didn't say anything. Just changed the topic. What I needed right then was a hug. But that didn't matter. But that wasn't even what hurt. What hurt was afterwards you spent the night and I got some pretty crap things said about me that hurt I almost lost you that day because of abbot I told you I couldn't lose you. I would have chosen you over him anyway you watched me text him telling him you mattered more. Yet you still thought it was me who sent that. If I thought about doing it myself if I already chose you over him why would I say that. I thought you knew me. I told you everything. Yet you still didn't trust me. You got a ton of people to text me tell me I was a terrible friend tell me how much of a bitch I was. Tell me you hated that you spent the night at my house that night even though it was your idea. But the fact you believed those texts where sent from me hurt. Hurt worse than anything else. I know despite everything you told my parents what was wrong with me. I thank you he'll loads for that. I'm getting help for it. It's hard at points but I'm getting help. The last time we spoke I told you I wanted my necklace back. You can keep it. I don't care anyway. All fairness I can't find your socks I'm looking but I can't find them. I know you'll hate me more for writing this but I had to let you know some how I can't text you with out thinking I look stupid. I can't talk to you face to face cause I know you don't want to see me. I know you'll walk away and I can't have that. I know your going to a different school. If I see you around I'll look down cause I have hurt you to bad. I'm sorry for everything I have done. I know it's all my fault. So I guess to the both of you this is my apology letter. I'm to much of a botch to tell you in person. And I'm sorry for me being to much of a coward to but it this way. But I just wanted you guys to know. In my heart you will always have a special place you guys are still considered my best friends so I live you guys and if you need anything I'm here. So in all I'm sorry.