Soulless (Justin Bieber Love Story / Fan Fiction)

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XXXV.
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Song of the chapter:
Slide (feat. Frank Ocean & Migos) by Calvin Harris
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My mind raced faster than I could comprehend. I had no idea what had come over me to make me feel like I needed to do that with Justin, but whatever it was, it was so demanding and it felt like I had to. I didn't regret it, though I found myself feeling a little embarrassed. I didn't really know how to act after engaging in that type of activity.

Justin pulled his underwear back on a few moments before and was in the middle of zipping and buttoning his jeans. Meanwhile, I sat on my bed with my shirt still off, my thoughts going a hundred miles a minute about what had taken place. I wondered if it was any good, mostly. How embarrassing would it have been if it was terrible?

"Kennedy?" Justin asked, sitting down on the edge of my bed with his sweatshirt in his lap. I looked up at him, trying to make my face look as if I wasn't actually thinking about my performance. Talk about embarrassing. "Are you okay?"

I nodded, still remaining quiet.

To my surprise, he crawled on top of me and sat on the backs of his legs so that he was almost straddling my body. I looked up at him shyly. His hands slid behind my neck and his thumbs stroked my jawline on both sides, causing my heart to slam against my chest. His nose brushed mine softly. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want him, too. I probably wanted him more than he wanted me.

His eyes browsed my face, a soft smirk on his soft pink lips. "Are you embarrassed?" he asked so softly that his words nearly caressed my face in a mocking way.

My eyes widened and I shook my head, feeling the heat rise in my cheeks.

"I think you are," he murmured, kissing the corner of my lips gently. "but you have no reason to be." He kissed the other side. "You were amazing." He kissed my forehead. "Okay?" He kissed my nose, then stopped abruptly above my lips that were nearly pleading for his touch. "You made me want you all to myself. And I do. I don't want anyone else to have you other than me."

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Of course I wanted it to just be the two of us. I wanted to be the only one for him, but how likely was that? Sure, he broke up with Renee, but that didn't mean there wasn't anyone else.

"You don't have to say anything," he shook his head. "I understand why you're worried. I just want you to know what I'm feeling. I try to be as open as I can with you."

I swallowed hard. It seemed to me like Justin really didn't need an answer. I was his whether I liked it or not. I was wrapped around his finger, and there was no undoing it any time soon. However, it was no secret how badly I wanted to be with him in return. He was so very good to me and treated me with respect. Other than the super sketchy and mysterious history that he carried, it was as if he was made for me.

"Justin, I--"

"Can we not talk about this right now? I don't want to think about all of that stuff," he shook his head. My gaze grew sympathetic, knowing he didn't want to bring up all of the things that could potentially cause me to not want to be with him. "Can we just, I don't know, not--"

I leaned in and enveloped my lips in his to stop him from speaking anymore. There was something about him that made me want to take care of him and erase all of his history, but there was another part of me that was screaming the opposite. In that moment, I saw that he was fragile. I wanted to help.