What if..?

Do You Love Me?

"Elijah.....do you love me?" I asked cuddling my boyfriend while sitting on the couch. "Of course I do Sweetheart. What would make you ask something like this?" He replied back looking down and me. "Well..I've had numerous people walk out on me you know that. I lost my own brother because he walked out because he couldn't even stand to look at me. Why do you love me?" Elijah sat up now. "Sweetheart if I didn't have you my life wouldn't be as complete as it is now. You're my better half honey. I can't picture my life without you in it." He said kissing my forehead. "What if this all goes south though? What if I'm not someone you want anymore a year down the line?" I couldn't even say without letting some tears slip out of my eyes. "Sweetheart your talking nonsense what's really going on? Where are all these what ifs coming from?" Eli replied wiping the tears from my cheek with his thumb. I couldn't get the tears to stop falling. "I don't know Eli I just I want us to last forever I don't want to have to go through another goodbye. I can't it would break whatever is left of my heart that my brother shattered the day he walked out on me and my mom. And you know my dad was killed in the line of duty in Afghanistan." I turned my face away from him because this is the first time I've talked about my brother since he left or my dad since he passed away so it's all hitting pretty hard right now. And I just looked at the case holding the folded flag that was on my fathers casket the day we said out final goodbyes and just let the tears keep falling. 

"Lexi look at me...." Eli said turning my head to face him. I kept my eyes down."Lexi.." I looked up at his beautiful blue eyes that make me fall in love with him over and over again. "Sweetheart, I'm not your brother I'm not going to leave you. I'm not gonna just abandon you out of no where. I'm not going to disclose you from my life when things get hard or when we hit a rough patch. If I wasn't with you to eventually marry you one day, what would be the point? I told you from day one I'm here to stay. I'm in it to win it. I'm with you because I wanna be with you. I couldn't live with myself if I just up and left you like Jake did. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I did that? And you're right I know about your father but it's gonna be okay I'm here with you through it all.

"You're right baby I'm sorry it's just everything my brothers done has messed up my head...It's even gotten me thinking of my dad again, like would Jake have left if our father didn't pass away..but Jake left with no note or no explanation on to why he left. He just said he's making changes and it doesn't include me. First i lose my dad to war, and then my brother just up and walks out...I can't take another goodbye it will rip up what is left of my heart." I said crying again. Elijah pulled me into his chest and held me tight as I cried. "It's not fair!!" I shouted into his chest while crying.
"Shh...it's okay I'm here..I'm right here baby girl." He said to me rubbing my back and hugging me. Then I heard his voice crack so I knew he was crying.
"I'm not one of those fools you used to get with that were only playing games...I'm here because I want to be not because I have to be." Eli kept repeating in my ear tying to fight back his tears but they were dropping off his face into my hair so I knew they were silently falling.
  "Lexi? Eli? What's going on? Are you guys okay?" My mother came in with some groceries as Eli was wiping my eyes. "Yes Mrs Carter we are okay...we just had that heart to heart talk that we've been needing." Eli said pushing wet hair off my face and wiping my eyes with his thumb again. "Do you need help with the groceries mom?" I asked to clear the awkwardness of the room. "Nope sweetheart I'm okay only picked up a few things for supper. But what was this talk about? If you don't mind my asking." I shook my head "No I don't mind at all. It was about Jake and...um da-" "Dad?" my mom cut me off and asked. I just nodded my head. "Well I'm proud of you, you couldn't hold on to that forever...Why don't you go get some of dads shirts and keep them." my mom asked and I nodded. "Eli you coming with?" I asked him and he nodded grabbing my hand as i led him to my parents room... "God I haven't been in here since he died..it still smells like him." I thought out loud. "It's going to be okay darling I'm right here." Eli said rubbing my shoulders as I opened my fathers closet, and got a blow to the face of his cologne. "I can do this.." I said beginning to pull out some of his shirts as silent tears began to fall from my eyes, but i kept them covered...surprisingly.