Young, Gay, Love

- Autumn -

The smell of coffee wafted into my room as I was coming out of a dream involving One Direction reuniting to sing a ballad with me and lets just say I didn't want to wake up. I pulled the curtain up to see the colors of the trees were fading from their boisterous emerald green to the soft tones of gold and bronze. Autumn was here and I could not help but feel bittersweet.

Echoes of summer were wandering through my mind. The beginning was a painful turning point, but all of that is history. I made new friends and we raised hell wherever we went. Being with them is like a party that never ends and I am thankful that those experiences brought me back to life.

I turn on my phone and notice it's almost 11am, I slept in because I got home late from the studio. I met a producer through one of my new friends and it feels good to be back making music that I love. Over the past few years, I tried working with all kinds of musicians and producers but they always wanted me to change. They wanted me to hide my voice and I felt like I needed to hold back from expressing anything involving the lgbtq community.

On top of them trying to change my creative expressions they also implied because of my ethnicity and sexuality that I would be difficult to market. They wanted me to be a ghost writer for someone else and to hide behind their shadow. I was debating on taking up the offer because it paid well, but overall I said no and I am happy with that decision because here I am doing what I love to do with full creative control.

So before I move on, I just want to tell you the reader. Do not change because someone says so. They may have something good to offer if you do what they say and it may help you out during the duration of that time in your life. But if you have to quiet your own voice just to make someone else happy, it is not worth it. Do not lose who you are just because someone says so. You are who you are and you are capable of having it all. All you have to do is believe in yourself. By being your true self you will attract people who love you genuinely and those people will have your best interest at heart. Believe me, I am proof that this is true.

I look around my room to find some sweatpants and make my way to the kitchen. My parents left a note by the coffee pot that they loved me and hope I have a good day. I pour myself some coffee and turn on my laptop sitting on the kitchen table. My email was full of people reaching out to me about finalizing details on my photoshoot, notes about the progress of my album, and the inevitable spam. I check my other social media sites to see how everyone is doing. The sun is out and so are a lot of happy people.

"Today is going to be a good day." I say to myself.

And why not?

Everyday, I am learning that we have that choice to create the life we want. Will it be difficult? Hell yeah it will. But I look back and see how far I have come and the progress that I am capable of. And all I can say is wow. I can not believe how selfish I was to think that only my problems are worth validating.

I login to Facebook again because I can never stay off for long (I'm addicted, don't judge me). As I scroll through, I see my old friends and where they are now. One of them is doing the same thing as me. He's writing music and touring around the United States. Another one is traveling the world with the love of her life being the free spirit she is meant to be. Then there's the sass queen who just finished college and as for the rest of them. They are living their lives how they want and doing it unapologetically. I am thankful for our experiences together and I am happy to see how far they have come. We are who we are and we should not regret our past mistakes but accept them as they are because they shaped us into the adults we can and will be.

Autumn... Autumn is the season that reminds us to be thankful for our friends and family. Autumn is the preface to our winter slumber where things must die in order to be reborn. This season is one of the seasons we take for granted because even though we are saying goodbye to the life of summer we are welcoming the beauty of rest. So that's what I am going to do today. Today, I am going to rest in knowing that everything will come full circle and each time it does we will grow stronger. We will be stronger so that we can help those around us and carry our brothers and sisters when they are unable to walk. The best kind of love is the kind that we want share. And wherever love flows freely, so does life.

So let me just leave you with this... be who you are and laugh without apologizing. Kiss boys, kiss girls, express yourself to your fullest extent. Give the rainbow we live under a shade of color that has not been seen before. Believe that you can run the world because the power of faith is capable of making even the most unrealistic dreams come true. But don't forget to sleep because in sleep we dream. Be thankful, be relentless, be kind, love gently, love unforgivably, but most importantly know in your heart you are worthy of love and nobody will ever be able to change that.