Everything, Everything

.

Unique. 

Special. 

The words played on repeat in my head. How could words that are used as compliments hurt so much? And then there are the people who aren't as nice... Weird. Crazy. Annoying. Stupid. Drama Queen. I've heard those words for almost as long as I can remember. I would look them in the face and mask my hurt with anger, sarcasm, or humor. Grown-ups always tell you to embrace what makes you special, but what if whatever makes you special makes you an outcast? Then what? Do you still embrace it? Or do you cast it away and find something else that makes you special, but not too special. Just enough that you're not completely bland, but you don't stand out. I have a rare form of synesthesia, called mirror-touch synesthesia. Basically, I can feel what physically happens to another person happen to me. It's not very nice when someone is sick, or injured, but it's really helped me become more thoughtful of how other people feel. I have also been diagnosed by a doctor as being empathic, which means that I take on the emotions of all those around me. This was especially hard for an emotionally unstable child who has everyone else's feelings dumped on her too. Because of the strange way I acted, I became an outcast, was bullied, and felt very lonely as a child. Those experiences caused me to feel very insecure about myself for many years. I am just now beginning to love myself for who I am and it's been over five years. Between now and then, I've done some stuff I'm not proud of. I was a pretty messed up person.  But I guess what I'm saying is, if I can accept myself, than anyone can. No matter what demons are following you around. We are all loved, if not by ourselves, then by someone around us. We're all beautiful, whether we see it or not. And we all have our talents, even if we haven't found them yet. People may tell you that finding yourself if the most important thing, but it's not. Loving the person you've found is.