He hugs me. My eyes widen and my heart halted when I felt his arms slowly crawl around my waist. I was yet to know the reason of the sudden comfort—after all, nothing was wrong. Everything was the same and I was not troubled or sad. I asked why, in the end, he only hugged me tighter.
"Why?" I ask again.
"Close your eyes, and don't open them unless I say so," he commanded. Apparently, I complied. And as soon as I did, I felt the very tight hug comforting rather than suffocating. I have lived and breathed the same air as him since childhood; we are best friends after all. But I never noticed he had this alluring scent, somehow relaxing. The thing is—what is there to be relaxed for? I was deeply curious and concerned.
I opened my eyes without his consent. We haven't moved an inch, and since my head was buried in his chest, I couldn't assess the situation. I disobediently peeked above his shoulder. As soon as I did, he quickly engulfed me in a breath-restricting hug. And now that I finally knew why, in what was so wrong of having my eyes opened, I cried. I cried the depths and currents of rivers. In his chest which protected me, I closed my eyes and let myself become weak in his arms—his arms which strongly supported me in my breaking point, and carried my broken parts.
It was inevitable that someone would be attracted to Sehun other than me. After all, Sehun is a handsome guy, and a very bubbly one. I am his noona, and at first my mind protested the moment I set my eyes on him. I was warned, but I didn't listen. I was fooled in the image I thought he was, to what he actually turned out to be. My mind was captured by his romantic gestures and failed to see it was a mask, a well designed façade that I stupidly fell into.
Chanyeol warned me. In every step I took closer to Sehun, he takes two steps further to block my way. And I became persistent—I knew Chanyeol was there to break my fall. I was careless enough to disregard all the signs that he wasn't actually the one for me. Sehun's charm that made me his girlfriend was also the issue that made us break up. Technically we haven't, but it's very much imminent. And here was Chanyeol, trying to glue my already-cracking pieces, reattaching all of the broken debris of my heart. I fell into his arms, and he caught me.
As we exited the amusement park—which didn't amuse me at all—I finally stopped crying. Who knew that in this large city I would discover their hangout place? As Sehun's lips particularly enjoyed the taste of another girl's—my teeth gritted in anger. I held Chanyeol tight, and as he stopped our walk and glanced at me, worried; I lost all sanity and kissed him.
I hated the kiss.
I hated how my lips moved like Sehun did with that girl a while ago.
I hated how I'm using Chanyeol for a worthless revenge.
As I felt a hand slip around my neck, I had my senses knocked back into me and pushed him away.
"That was wrong. I am so sorry Chanyeol," I immediately told him and went off without him.
It was wrong to have him like this. I was vulnerable and weak but I couldn't dare take advantage of him, especially of my best friend whom I loved so dearly in the whole of my existence.
And just like this, we ended up separating, too. Coldness parted us by a very thick fog, and instead, I found myself wanting Chanyeol back more than Sehun.
I decided to call him. After three rings, the call was answered, but no words were spoken. It was minutes that we only listened to each other's breathing, feeling our existence. In the end, I asked him to meet me.
I was at the playground, our favorite hangout place, where we play in monkey bars that were too short for us as well as the swings that got replaced to stronger ones because it collapsed at our combined weights. I waited a few more minutes until I felt his presence beside me. He swayed himself slowly back and forth.
"I'm sorry. For not believing in you. For using you that day. For not listening to you. For everything," I started.
He remained quiet, but now he stopped and instead looked at me the same time I did.
"I thought I was okay," Chanyeol replied. "Okay, because I was breathing with you. But then I found out I was greedy enough to want you for my own. I was selfish, that's why I stopped you. You don't know how many nights I have cried trying to let you go, trying to drain my eyes so I could look into yours the next morning and not break down. I was so selfish that I wished you happiness, but I want that happiness to be because of me. And then everything backfired. After you kissed me, I felt how you were much more selfish than me. You wanted to keep me and him, but I can't endure that." He lets his tears out, as well as the sobs that he bottled in front me for a long time.
"I can't, but I do in the end because I fall into your selfishness. I can't get it my way because I love you like that. You said you were sorry about the kiss but I wasn't. The past week that we haven't talked just proved to me how much I love you, because instead of letting go, I find myself holding on to you. It hurts but I endure because it's you." He wipes his tears with the back of his hands and lets out a frustrated laugh. "It's only you," he laughs more. It wasn't until my hand felt the hot tear that I knew I was crying, too. I don't know what to say, after all, Chanyeol has been my pillar, my support, my foundation day... How could I not love him just the same?
And I realize I actually do.
That's why everytime I look in his eyes, instead of fluttering, I just stare at him and everything falls into place. Whenever he gives me his coat when I get cold, I shiver more in his gestures. He's the man whose morning greetings I wake up to and get hung up on at night because he got asleep talking on the phone with me.
"This might sound sudden, but I think we're on the same page," It old him indirectly, too ashamed of what I put up.
"Huh?" Chanyeol asked, confused.
"Would you think it's strange if I told you that now I realize how much I love you too? That whenever Sehun does sweet things to me, I'd compare it to your actions? That he doesn't matter anymore, because you caught me when I fell? That I actually loved you all along but failed to notice it because I was stupid enough to believe that he was the one for me? That I wanted you to love me back again because I can catch you now, no matter how heavy you are, or even if my bones break?" I joked to lighten up the mood.
He pretended to be thinking, and gives out a little laugh. "Maybe, after you treat me dinner at the all-you-can-eat buffet."
I pouted, "But then afterwards you'd be heavier and I couldn't catch you anymore!"
"Exactly. Because I'm the one whose supposed to catch you. And I will. Just feed me," he says with a stifled smile. He stands up and offers a hand that I gladly took, as we walk to the unknown.
"But then I'd lose money, and you'd gain weight." I lean my head on his sturdy shoulder.
"I meant with love. Feed me with your love, who knows? My heart might become so bloated that I really gain weight?" He smiled at me.
"Cheesy, but I love you," I say as he looked at me. It took a few seconds before I said, "Aren't you supposed to say something?"
He smiled and landed a kiss on my lips. It was wonderful. And somehow, translating the kiss into an 'I love you' was an understatement. It felt more like, 'I love you, I need you, and you're mine forever.'
Well what can I do? I'm his.
—-
Dedicated to @MyOwnWay since i love Atychiphobia and sya ang naggawa ng book cover huhuhu <3 my heart!
I know, it's cheesy and all but who cares? LOL, i was inspired by a song on my ipod which entitled "VULNERABLE" by Sechondhand Serenade.
Crazy me writes crazy stuff. Sorry. XD Do tell me how crazy the fic seems like through a comment! Thanks for reading^_~
