Dear Brendan M,
I am struggling to write this letter to you, not because of fear that I feel, not because I have nothing to say to you but because after five years of me pretty much living in fear and pain, I have finally got my life back. I have finally become a new woman and I have finally been freed from the horrible, black-hearted bastard that use to have such a great grasp on my life that held me back from moving on with my life. Every day I ask myself the exact same question why I didn’t put you in jail? You could have rot in a small one meter by one meter jail concrete bitter jail cell for the rest of your miserable life. But every day I have the same answer, I was just too scared to tell anyone.
You have no idea how long I have spent living in absolute fear that you will one day find me and rape me again. I have had sleepless nights or even dreams when I would wake up screaming and crying because I picture your pig-like face and I break down into millions of pieces. I have spent five years repressing all the emotional and mental pain but at a drop of a hat, I break down and it’s another six months patching myself up and making myself stronger than I was before. But the worst part about it is- I have spent five years blaming myself for everything that has happened, and it wasn’t even my fault… I was the victim.
It really must feel pretty awesome and I can’t forget that amazing feeling to put someone through that much pain that she became so depressed for a year afterwards that she tried to commit suicide in two attempts. And you really must be so cool to make someone cut her wrists everyday so she doesn’t feel pain anymore. Does it feel awesome? From here on out, I am going to look down at my wrists and it will be a constant reminder how I let one person hurt me so bad.
Now, I could tell you how much I hate your guts, how much I wish you would die a horrible and painful death or how I wish the worst type of cancer on your retched soul because you are the worst excuse for a human being I have ever met but that wouldn’t take the pain away and that won’t give me back the past five years I have spent in emotional, mental and physical pain. Would it?
I see your face around town and I am not going to say hello, make eye contact or even come near you because I hope that you know everyone in that small little town knows who I am, knows exactly who you are and they are out to get you so you feel the small amount of pain I felt for five years of my life. I told you Karma will get you. Enjoy it.
