I will tell you right now, on the brisk night of November 23rd at exactly 8:07 pm that Charles Garrison Foley is the most attractive boy to stomp into my life. I met my curly haired dork in the 8th grade and have loved him all 733 days, 8 hours and 7 minutes. I believe it was the last hour of the day, band, when we first spoke. I had never heard a sweeter voice that could sting so badly. Oh, that boy. That smiling beautiful drummer boy i met 733 days ago. Who knew a boy i loved so much could make me feel so full of sadness, yet make me smile just by saying hello. I am like the sun and he is the day. When the day goes away, i become the moon. Dancing with the sorrow filled stars, moping among the galaxies. There was something about Mr. Garrison that made me fond of him. Maybe it was how when he laughed he put his hand up to his face, as if to calm the joy that was escaping his lips. Or maybe the light, that bright light that claimed his eyes when he smiled. How he smiled at his favorite commercial or when his soccer team scored. Charlie took so much pride in his soccer number, i didn't really care though because boy, did he look good in his soccer jersey. Maybe that was the reason i was so fond of the boy who breaks my heart and fixes it all at the same time. You know the worst part about all of this?
He didn't even feel the same. Well, not yet.
Eye contact. That was the spark, the thing that made me feel like my heart was going to run out of energy to beat again. It had to have been moving as fast as a plane piercing through the wind. In the hall or the cafeteria during lunch when i walked past him, counting silently to calm my heart rate, attempting to at least. There he is. 1...2...3. He throws his head back in laughter. 4...5...6. Please notice me. 7...8...9. He stands out of nowhere to throw something away. 10...1He runs into me. I was wrong. Eye contact isn't the spark. He is. Our shoulders bumping, lighting my heart on fire. Then he muttered "gosh Phillips, watch where you're going." A smirk playing on his lips.
Shit.
I awkwardly laugh and walk away even more awkwardly. I can't survive that smirk.
I hate hope. At least this kind of hope. The hope that strangles me until its ripped away so aggressively, i can no longer breathe. The hope i get when he flirts and i think, maybe he does like me or i have a chance. Then i see him. I see him with a girl that he makes painstakingly obvious that he's head over heels for. Silly girl, you've got no business dealing with hope. It always disappoints you anyway.
That year, Mr. Garrison had found a liking towards my best friend. Adrienne. How could she not know? I can't blame her know though.....right? Seeing how they flirted, it killed me. Im not sure if I've ever felt such sadness when i saw them with eachother. It was like my feet were glued to train tracks. I could see the train, the pain of the train grew worse and worse as i saw it come towards me. I was stuck though. I couldn't do anything about it. I just had to stand and watch that train hit me. I can't be angry though, im not allowed to be angry at her. Or him for that matter. I am forced to go through this pain.
Charlie had this way about him. He was like glue. You got stuck and couldn't walk away. He got you stuck. I don't think i could ever even be able to walk away.
A month later, Adrienne and Charlie's fling was gone. I swear to God, when i found out, i was like Hermione Granger with a new spell book. Maybe Charlie would grow feelings for me. Then again, i have no business in dealing with hope
One of the many things i loved about Mr. Garrison was that no matter the situation, how sad or angry, he could make me smile. Although, i couldn't even look at him and keep a straight face for more than 3 seconds. Charlie was a light that came into my life. And depending on how you look at it, never left.
I remember when he first told me he liked me. It was January, the 18th to be exact. Mr. Garrison and I had decided to go downtown after school to walk around. That plan didn't really work out because it was freezing, so we ended up spending most of the time in a Barnes&Noble. I was standing at a random bookshelf looking through 100's of books that seemed to be more boring than that kid Braxton in my band class. Out of nowhere i felt a warm, soft hand grab mine. Charlie. And we ran.
