Mask- a Supernatural fanfiction

Chapter 44: Potential Disaster

The clunking of Jess' and my boots on the steel steps echoed throughout the entire bunker; you would've thought that no one was here, but that wasn't true. Cas was sitting right there at the table. He must've just woken up because when we went to send the boys out, he still wasn't up. It was pleasant to see him up because he was sleeping in one of the spare rooms since he got back last night.

"Hey, Cas," I strolled over to him, "how are you feeling?"

When he looked up at me, I swore if you put dog ears on him, he would've been a puppy. His face was still swollen. I had put butterfly bandages on some of the cuts, but his eye was bruised and his lip busted. It's a shame. If- if he had his grace, then his face wouldn't have and cuts or bruises or anything on it. But now Edward has it, and now we're screwed. In one way, it is kind of Cas' fault it's gone. Either way, I tried not to think of it.

"As you humans say, like I was hit by a bus," his broken voice replied. Jess' voice from behind me only blocked my sympathy.

"Yeah that's what happens when you stick your little angel nose into some drunk guy's business."

I turned around to her and gave her a warning glare. She only shrugged it off and strolled over to the liquor table and started to look at every bottle. I turned back to Cas who was now looking down at his hands.

"Do you need anything?" I asked him before Jess would literally render me useless with alcohol.

"I should've never gone alone," he started, completely ignoring me. Oh no, here comes the self-hate and regret. I was too busy rolling my eyes and letting out a sigh to make him stop, so I just let him keep going.

"Dean was right. It would've never worked. But I just wanted you to be safe," with that word, Jess let out a huff, making me quickly glare at her before letting Cas continue, "and the only way I could make that happen was getting rid of him. I'm sorry. I just wanted to protect you like I promised."

I knew that I would have to sit down for this whole discussion, so I grabbed the chair next to him and pulled it out so I could sit in it. Instead of sitting forward like a normal person, I sat to the side so I would be facing him. When Cas saw me sit, he turned his head towards mine, his expression still in the 'puppy-mode'. Meanwhile, Jess was shuffling liquor bottles behind me and wasn't paying any attention. Good thing too, because what I was about to say to Cas would only make her groan and side-comment.

"Cas, it's alright. You made a mistake. You tried to end it and it didn't work. It's not like you have been doing it over and over again."

Yeah, but once Cas' face filled with guilt I knew I just screwed myself over with my own words.

"Oh, God. Tell me you didn't."

He didn't even have to say anything. His face said it all.

And with that realization, my brain did the whole connecting-the-dots thing. It made perfect sense. All those times that Cas wasn't around; he's been tracking Edward down. Behind my back. Just to try to end this on his terms. I mean I don't blame him; it was an angel against a demon. He probably thought he could do it himself. If I were in his shoes, I honestly would have done the same thing.

I wasn't as mad as I probably should be. For some odd reason I was being reasonable. Cas was only trying to stop all of this from hurting me. He saw how I was at that time when it happened, he saw how I was after, and he saw how I was when that email was sent with the video. Cas was just trying to help in the only way he knew; trying to keep it as far away from me as possible.

But it still hurt to know he kept it from me. And it still hurt that this is still all my fault.

Then another thought came to mind: did the others know? Was I the only one who didn't? That kind of stuff makes me angry. I mean, come on, this involves me so INVOLVE ME.