The Entirely Truthful Observation Records of My Extra Ordinary Family

1: What makes something ordinary?

Researcher's disclaimer: Following research protocols I will be using pseudonyms for all of my family members/subjects. Henceforth, my father will be referred to as Mr. Ordinary (mid-50s), my mother as Mrs. Ordinary (early-50s), my sister as Still Ordinary (16) and myself, the researcher, as Very Ordinary (18). I will provide context wherever necessary. Observations not recorded in chronological order.

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Pick-up

Like a typical tsundere, my father pretends to be a brusque tough guy to hide his soft underbelly because he thinks being honest about his feelings is embarrassing. Sometimes, it gets really annoying.

[Me, age 14]

Me [calling dad to pick me up because the bus is late]: Dad, can you come pick me up?

Mr. Ordinary [grumbling]: But I just slipped into my pjs. Can't you take a bus home?

Me: I was going to but the bus is really late and it's cold outside.

Mr. Ordinary: Fine, but the next time you're on your own, missy!

[A week later]

Mr. Ordinary [mumbling]: Why are you only getting home now? And why are you covered in snow? You'll get sick at this rate!

Me: I had to wait outside for the bus and then I had to walk home from the stop so I got snowed on.

Mr. Ordinary [looking away]: That's why you should call me next time.

[Three days later]

Me [on phone]: Dad, can you-?

Mr. Ordinary [clicking his tongue]: Always with the picking up. Alright, I'll be there soon.

[Two weeks later]

Mr. Ordinary [on phone]: It's late...why haven't you called me to pick you up yet?

Me: My friend is giving me a ride today.

Mr. Ordinary: Hmm, is that so?...That's great then, I won't have to. It's not like I enjoy driving you around anyways. It'd be great if your friend could always drive you home, huh. But they can only come sometimes right? Some friend... 

Me [bursting out in laughter]: Thanks for calling anyways, dad. I'll be home soon.

Mr. Ordinary [grumbling]: Be safe on the road.

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Purse

My mom is the type of person who loves to lug a big purse around with her since she's the type that likes carrying many things at once.

[In car with my friend and mom on our way to the mall, me, age 13]

Friend A: You know, it's nice how your mother always lets you sit in the back.

Me: Does your mom not let you do that?

Friend A: Nope. She said if I needed her to drive me somewhere I had to sit in the front because she's my mom and not my chauffeur.

Me: Hm, I don't think my mom's ever thought that before. She likes to have the passenger seat free.

Friend A: To do what?

Me: To put her purse on.

Friend A: Why doesn't she put it in the back?

Me: She can't. It's so big it tips over.

Friend A: So it gets its own seat?

Me: Yup. She said that if she was going to pay that much for a luxury brand then her bag deserves to be sitting upright in its own seat with all the space around it.

Friend A [putting arm on my shoulder]: I take back what I said earlier...It's definitely sad that you're valued less than a purse.

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Extinction

From a very young age, my sister has always been a thoughtless and outspoken person.

[Still, age 6]

Mrs. Ordinary: I read a book recently that said that should a big natural disaster occur, creatures that are smaller and lighter will have a better chance of surviving, and bigger and heavier creatures will have a greater chance of going extinct. Isn't that interesting?

Still: Why is that, mommy?

Mrs. Ordinary: Because smaller creatures use less resources.

Still: Oh, then I hope a natural disaster never happens because you likely wouldn't make it out alive, mommy.

Mrs. Ordinary: Are you saving I'm fa-

Still: Ah, my favourite show is on right now!

[Still leaves]

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Photo

[Still, age 8]

Mr. Ordinary: Should we take that photo again? My legs look really short here...

Still [holding the camera]: I don't think it's the camera's fault, daddy.

Mr. Ordinary: ...