The Entirely Truthful Observation Records of My Extra Ordinary Family

7: Is that supposed to be food?

Pho

Although my mom is an amazing cook now, when she first started to learn how to cook there were some mishaps.

Mr. Ordinary: I remember when I dropped by your house and met your parents for the first time and you tried to make a pot of pho for our first meal together. The broth was so bland and the noodles were overcooked. I'm proud of you honey, you've progressed so far.

Mrs. Ordinary: I told you, you came over last-minute and I didn't have time to prepare properly. Stop mentioning it already!

Mr. Ordinary: I guess I can say it was truly un-pho-gettable. Get it? [Finger guns] Because I can't forget not getting good pho!

Mrs. Ordinary: ...Get out.

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Chicken

One time both my mom and Still went on a vacation without my dad and I. While they were away, my dad tried to cook dinner for the two of us.

Mr. Ordinary [brimming with pride]: Ta-dah! Look at this steamed chicken I made!

Me: ...It doesn't look cooked, dad.

Mr. Ordinary: What are you talking about? It's perfect! If it was steamed any longer it'd be too done.

Me [poking it with a chopstick]: It's not done, dad. Blood is still dripping out.

Mr. Ordinary: Don't you like your meat really rare?

Me: Yeah, when it's beef! You can't eat chicken unless it's fully cooked! You could get a food borne illness.

Mr. Ordinary [indignant]: What's that attitude when I made a chicken to try and feed you!

Me: Your chicken is trying to kill me!

Mr. Ordinary: Fine! I'll finish the whole thing myself!

[That night Mr. Ordinary finished off half of the chicken. The next day he finished off the other half. Then, to no one's surprise he got a stomachache that night. Luckily for him it wasn't anything too serious and he recovered after taking a sick day.]

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Onions

Seeing that my dad's cooking for lethal I decided to take charge of making meals.

Me [on the phone while stirring a pot]: Hey dad, on your way home can you pick up some green onions? We're out of them and the soup needs it.

Mr. Ordinary: Yeah, okay.

[Mr. Ordinary arrives home.]

Me: Did you get the onions?

Mr. Ordinary [holding up a grocery bag]: Yeah, here.

Me: [taking bag from him]: Thanks. [I make a strange face when I see the contents.] Did they remove the clear plastic bag the onions were supposed to be in and just give you a grocery bag?

Mr. Ordinary: What are you talking about? What clear bag?

Me: You know, the ones on those large rolls in the produce aisle?

Mr. Ordinary: I didn't really notice. I just found the onions bundled together so I just picked them up and dropped them in a basket. Then I put them on the counter when it was my turn and paid for them.

Me: ...You did all of that without putting it in a plastic bag? Like you just directly put it in the basket and up on the counter to pay?

Mr. Ordinary: Yeah?

Me: ...And no one gave you a strange look?

Mr. Ordinary: I don't think so...but I now that you mention it, the cashier lady did hesitate before picking up the bundle of onions. I assumed it was because she didn't know the cost.

Me: I don't think that was it, dad. You're supposed to put produce into the clear plastic bags before it goes into a grocery bag.

Mr. Ordinary: It's just a bundle of onions. Why does it need to be double bagged? You wouldn't put a jar of jam or a box of cereal into another plastic bag.

Me: Because jam and cereal come in their own packaging but stuff like onions don't. Unwrapped produce usually have a lot of dirt left on them. People don't that to be sprinkled on the ground as they walk around the store.

Mr. Ordinary: ...I can't believe there are rules for grocery shopping now...I don't want to do it anymore.

The next time we when grocery shopping together I had the pleasure of watching him place an unwrapped head of lettuce straight into the grocery basket. When the housewives around us saw that, they pointed their fingers at him and whispered. My dad of course, was oblivious to it all.