Rains of Love (Celebrity Series #3)

Prologue

Prologue

One thing that I always wonder in this life is the process of growing. Why it must have to take time. Why it is not as fast at how days span in week, weeks span in a months and months span in a year.

How can we say that we grow? If we understand things maturely? If we progress? If we choose being silent instead of rebutting?

Possibly.

Noon, inakala kong napakaimpossibleng maabot ang mga mahihirap na bagay. But somehow, I proved it wrong. I've reached my dearest dream of becoming a famous actress because I worked so hard for it. I shred to much sweat and tears for it.

Pero hindi ko aakalaing ang magiging kapalit nito ay ang labis din ng pagsasakripisyo niya... ng lalaking pinakamamahal ko.

Ngayon ko gustong itanong sa sarili ko, ang pagpapalaya ba ay ang pagsuko? Ang pagpapalaya ba ay pagsasakripisyo rin?

Trying so hard not to shake, I pushed him away from me. I need to think the bad things that he did to me para mas mapaigting ko ang galit ko. Subalit wala akong mahukay. Walang ibang bagay na tumatak sa isip ko kundi ang pagpapasyensya niya palagi at ang sobra-sobrang pagmamahal niya sa akin ng ilang taon.

"Let's break up!" I shouted up to my lungs because he wouldn't listen to me!

Yes, for nth time again... I'm breaking up with him. But this time... I'll die telling everyone that's it's for real.

Really for real.

He rains me nothing but so much love na nagawa niyang tiisin ang lahat, na kaya niyang isuko ang lahat ng mga pinaghihirapan niya... para sa akin.

His love for me is dangerous. He did nothing but to love me in any ways he can. Na sa sobra-sobrang pagmamahal niya, nasisira na siya nang sobra.

"Ayoko na! Maghiwalay na tayo! Let's fucking break up again, Lucas!"

"No..."

"Ayoko na sa'yo! Ayoko na ulit! Ayoko na!"

"Give me reasons why you're breaking up with me again! Give me a very valid reason, Shaireen! Hindi ako makakapayag na sa ganito lang tayo magtatapos ulit! Sabihin mo sa akin kung ano naman bang mali! Bakit ganito na naman?"

Sinubukan niyang lumapit pero itinulak ko ulit siya. His eyes weakened as he tried to reach my hand. Umatras agad ako.

"Baby, what is this all about again? Ano na naman ba 'to? Bakit break up na naman? Is this all about my parents again? I told you I don't care what they say about you, right?"

"Hindi lang 'to para roon! Ayoko na nga, Lucas! Ayoko na! Bakit mo ako ikinukulong sa relasyong hindi ko na kayang panindigan?!"

He closed his eyes. I could almost hear his overflowing frustration. Ramdam ko rin ang panghihina niya.

"Give me valid reasons first. Convince me so hard dahil hindi kita pakakawalan kapag hindi makatarungan ang rason mo, Shaireen! Ano na naman ba 'to, please? Are you playing with me? Why is it so easy for you to break me again and again?"

For me, the most difficult part of living is to grow. It's because growing always takes time... takes a lot external and internal battle. Growing is man vs. himself. It's hard to grow when things were so difficult. It's hard to grow when you don't even know where to start growing.

All of my life, I didn't give up for becoming an actress. Hindi ko kailanman sinusukuan ang mga gusto ko, kahit gaano kahirap. Pero sa pagkakataong ito, kahit gaano ko pa kagusto ang bagay na 'to, kailangan kong sumuko. This is the right time to give up because this is to grow.

The grow that everyone told me to do.

Hirap na akong lumaban.

What's the use of fighting when in the first place, what I was fighting for is the thing I was good having without?

"Hindi na kita mahal!" sigaw ko, pinapahayag ang huling alas ko laban sa kanya para tuluyan na niya akong pakawalan.

And it's effective. He halted. Pain that crossed on his eyes is like a sharp crystal scratching my heart.

"I don't fucking love you anymore! So free me! Pakawalan mo na ako dahil hindi na kita mahal!"

Ang sabi niya noon, titigil lang siya kapag hindi ko na siya kayang mahalin. Now, sleep with my reason, Lucas.

"W-What's wrong? What did I do?" He tried to touch my hand again but I refused holding it.

Nanlumo siya.

"B-Baby... What do you want me to do? Anong gusto mong gawin ko para mahalin mo ulit ako? Is my love not enough? Didn't you like my way of loving you? Anong gusto mong baguhin ko? Tell me, Shaireen. Please tell me."

"Wala kang babaguhin dahil wala ng halaga pa ang lahat! Hindi na kita kayang mahalin kaya simula sa araw na 'to, magkalimutan na tayo! Stop seeing me because seeing you is the last thing I want for myself!"

Pagkatapos niyon ay mabilis akong tumalikod at naglakad papalayo, iniwan siyang natulala roon.

Nanghina ang buong katawan ko. Huminga ako nang malalim at pinahiran ang mga tumutulong luha. Itinaas ko ang noo at ipinangakong simula sa araw na ito... hinding-hindi ko pagsisihan ang ginawang desisyon.

This is to grow. And growing is always be painful.