What I Have Left

Prologue

Copyright © undercover_story

Yes this is a boyxboy. If you don't like it you may leave. No rude comments. If there, I will delete them ASAP and block you. This is a friendly place. There might be some themes in here that might bother some like cutting, depressed thoughts ,and boyxboy things. I just wanted to forewarn you all. Though it won't be happen constantly . This is my first book so I am super excited. This book isn't all sad though. There will also be love ,happiness , secrets , and I hope you are ready for this emotion rollercoaster. Please give this a big chance.

Vote Comment Fan Add and Share. It would mean a lot.

P.S If there is a Braxton and Ash in there they are the old character names that I have now changed.

So I think Braxton is Theodore and Ash is Noah

Just so ya know 

Remember not edited

**8th Grade**

"Hey Theo, do you want to come over tomorrow? " I asked my best friend.

"No sorry I can't hang out with you today. I am going to play soccer over Cody's." He mumbled. He knew how much I disliked Cody after he started to pick on me because I was smaller than most guys at our school.

"Why would you hang out with him?He is rude to me.Your my best friend and you know I don't like him." I whined.

"Yeah, but he saw me play yesterday and he thought I was awesome. His dad is the high-school coach .He said with him knowing people I could be on the team easily."I had to admit it he was great at soccer. I just wish he didn't have to hang out with Cody to make the team.

"Fine, whatever let's just hang out later this week , okay? " I finally sighed

"Awesome, see ya later, Noah ." He said as he ran home.

** A two week later**

I haven't heard from Theo for a week. I tried calling him so many times. I feel like something wrong is going to happen. It just hurts to even think about. I feel like we are drifting a part.

So to end this madness I decided to go over this house. It wasn't that far. Just about a mile away."Mom, I am going over Theo's house." I yelled to down the hall. I didn't wait for a reply and left the house.

Once I his house I knocked on the door and waited for someone to answer.

"Oh, hello Noah.How are you." Theo's mom asked.

"I need to seeTheo."

"Oh just come on in. He is in his room." So I did.

I ran into his room and froze. There was Theo but he was with Cody and some of his friends.

They all looked up at me. Cody sneered while Braxton and the others look indifferent.

"What is this nerd doing here." Cody said with a grimace.

"I don't know? Um Asher why are you here?" Theo asked.

I looked around kind of uncomfortable and said "I was wondering why we haven't talked in while. "

Before Theo could answer Cody cut in." Maybe he doesn't want to have a fucking loner as a friend anymore. He wants to hang out with people who are actually interesting. "He stated with an icy tone.

I felt my eyes water. " Oh, look the queer cries too. What a loser, right?" Cody said while looking at Theo pointedly.

I waited for Theo's reply. The answer broke me to pieces.

"Right, he is a total loser. I don't know why I wasted my time on such a fag." Theo sneered.

I couldn't stand being here anymore. I gave Theo one more teary eyed glare and left the room.

I ran down the stairs past his mom, who asked if I was okay, which I promptly ignored.

I ran all the way until I got home into my room. That was the moment I let it all sink in. I lost my best friend. The one I trusted the most to never leave me.

Sure I liked school and to read and write. I wasn't a sports type of person, but I thought he was okay with that.

I was so happy that was the end of the school year. I couldn't have to see home for a whole summer.

***Two months later*** Picture on the side

This had to be the most I have ever cried. I haven't left my room. I barely eat. My parents are worried.

My mom came and asked me if I was alright the day after what happened a month ago. I never told her the whole story, just that Theo and I aren't friends anymore.

My parents were talking about sending me to my grandma's. a couple of weeks ago. Since she was the one who understood me the most and could help me with my problems.

I can't go now though.

She died a month ago.

When I heard the news I broke down even more. I don't talk anymore. I don't smile. I just stare off and imagine the ifs in life in my head. I am so confused. I am so lost.

I have nothing right now. My parents don't understand me, my only and best friend left me for better friends, my grandma left me forever, and my life is falling apart.

I got out of my bed and headed for my bathroom to take a shower. I looked in the mirror and saw my sickly pale skin, bags under my eyes, my eyes dull from emotion, and my lips cut from being dried out. My body was another story. I had my ribs starting to show and I was becoming weaker. I started undressing after getting sick of looking at myself, when I saw an eyebrow razor on the counter. I saw the sharp tip and I wondered how it would feel gliding across my pale skin.

I heard that cutting took the pain away. That I would have the second of freedom.

I would give anything for that freedom.

So I grabbed the razor and sat on the toilet. I slowly placed the razor on my bicep so it could be easier to hide. I cut in a long diagonal line across my bicep. I soon saw the first drop of blood drop slowly roll down my arm. Even though it stung a little I felt a teary smile form my face.

I felt free for the first time in months.

After two more cuts I cleaned up the razor and the rest of my mess and got in the shower.

When I was done I redressed and laid in my black comforters.

What do I have left in me before I go crazy in the four by four box I call a room.

I was left with these thoughts before I went into a restless sleep full of darkness.

*********

Hello, so this is it for my first part. I am so excited for this story. I actually want to finish. This might be short or long we never know. Thank you for reading this much it means a lot.

**Undercover