A Bit Depressed

Does it really matter

Kinda depression so here we go. The feeling of darkness of hopelessness most of us feel it at some point of our life. Some more than others, but some of you get over and move on to something else's. But for those who can't simply just move on this is what where feeling.

Everyday i stare out the window looking for something, anything i pray to be saved looking for hope but nothing comes along to save me from what's running around in my head. The demons there everywhere at night time they like to talk to make me suicidal theres darkness inside but wheres the light wheres the happiness its gone just like all my hopes and dreams. Everyday i   Put a fake smile on my face even though i want to go and roll up in a ball and cry. I  feel like nothing can save me from the darkness nothingness of that my life is. I  stare the pain so i start to cut and cut till the pain starts to numb then k start to burn myself i love the flame . The pain hurt like a bitch but i love it.

While i  hurt myself i  ask why repeatedly why did you give me this life of pain and suffering
Soon after i  think about death walking the halls of my  highschool soon realizing that theres no point no one will save you not your friends not your family and some random god everyone says there is. Because if there was such a thing we all would be happy we would have good lives and happy family's but this is a cruel world we live in. This is what makes us this way.

Hallways and hallways of suicide posters of people who put them up to prevent suicide when in all reality they are the ones that bully us all. Stupid emo the call us but what they don't know is that shit hurt it makes us want to cut and or kill ourselves. What makes some one think thats even ok?

Long nights of overthinking and your family is all happy and your the weird one. Your parents never notice that your arms are covered with cuts and scars everything seems pointless. Days go by and nothing changes nothing everything just gets worse screams of pain running from darkness drowning in depression and finally you stop for air or let the water in and let it consume you  forever that's when you decided that you don't wanna live for real and you plan it out perfectly the perfect death. Some overdose some hang themselves some just shoot themselves in the head because that cant handle the pain you inflicted just think about all the people that bullied you or you bullied you don't understand the pain some one can suffer.

They write the note to tell then what they could have stoped from happening the could have notice they could have saved you but they where to self involved that they couldn't even save there own children or best friend. All that matter to other people is there own amusement. You know what im so sick of this whole generation all full of thereselves and i know that a lot of you out there agree with me.

That night is the night you decide to do it you take the pills or you tie the rope all night hanging there your lifeless body pale dead. When they walk in and find you they cry for themselves not you they don't cry because your dead the cry because the didn't even notice the pain you went through to get to this point. All the kids at school that bullied you are now saying that there where your friend and that you never seemed depressed to them, just so they can cover up the fact that they slowly but surly killed you. But if you think about it nothing really changed they  will continue to bully the next untill they kill themselves its a never ending story.

Life and death. We all die, some sooner that later some worse then other but it happens and people don't change because your dead they keep doing the same thing they did to you. Someone else will feel the same tears you felt the same pain running from darkness will never end. So you can say good bye but is it really good bye?