My Stupid Little Life

Chapter 17 : At least.

Micky's POV

I closed the laptop shut and put it on my bed, not holding back the tears which were freely falling down my face.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry, Timm.

I buried my face in my hands and also pulled my knees close to my chest. I hated myself. I wanted to cut some more for a distraction but at the same time, I didn't want to do it. I told Timm that I'd stop and I always kept my word. The things that boy would do to me. He was the one person who could make me feel tons of emotions at once. Sadness, happiness, anger, need for longing. All the emotions I ever knew came crawling to me. I fell on my back to face the ceiling. I let the salty water droplets escape my eyes and stream down to the end of my face. I felt like I wanted to rot in a hole and just die. I regretted what I did to my friends but I deserved it. I don't deserve friends. It sickened me. To think that I actually had a chance of having a normal life. Problem after problem after problem. Fuck that shit. I stared at the ceiling, thinking and thinking until the cold darkness of sleep has overcome me.

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I woke up because of the alarm clock. I got ready and forced on a smile as I walked to the kitchen. The apartment was silent and the presence of a certain person wasn't there. I decided to skip breakfast yet again and left for school.

School went by like a flash. I was just putting on a plastic smile and avoiding my friends, Timm, Alyssa, Justin and even Astrid. One thing though was the fact that Timm wasn't at school. Where was that guy?

That was our little routine for the whole week until it was finally Friday!!! Hooray.

I received the painting which Timm and I made. We got an A+. I started walking home then someone tapped my shoulder. I put on yet another fake smile and turned around. It was Justin.

"Hey, Micky!"

"Hey." I say coldly, quickly removing the smile which was plastered on my face.

"May I come over?"

"No. I have homework to do."

"Aww. Just for a moment."

A little moment can't hurt right?

"Fine."

We started walking together and the walk started getting awfully silent. I walked in, put the painting next to the door and turned around.

"Get your stuff and-"

I received a slap to the face. I looked down to the floor, avoiding his gaze.

"Thanks." I mumble.

"How could you?!"

"What are you talking about?"

"How could you hurt Timm like that?!"

"I wasn't aiming to hurt him. I was just speaking the truth."

"You could have been more gentle!"

"Why? If I was then he wouldn't stop liking me."

"You think he's fucking fine now?! He's at my house, Micky! MY house!You know why?! It's because he's too fucking sad to leave the god damn house! You crushed him! He loved you!"

"Key word Loved."

"He still loves you!"

God. How much do I have to hurt him to get him to stop. It's killing me.

"You don't have to hurt him!"

"Shit. I said my thought yet again."

"Point is, he is at my house, sobbing because of you! That day when he left to come to my house was horrible! When he entered my house, he was already fucking crying! He's been doing that the whole week!"