Finding Home

Chapter 6

Supper.
If I was asked to describe supper in three words words I would say abhorrent, clubbable and insipide to say the absolute least. Let me explain. I went down, totally terrified, I will add, and was escorted to a seat next to a older girl with hair the colour of cotton candy on my right. She was smiling and chatting away with everyone at the table. To my left was a boy who had the darkest chestnut coloured hair that covered his eyes like a blanket. He was staring at the table, not looking up even when someone placed a warm meal in front of him. He didn't nibble on his food, he just continued to stare at the floor like his life depended on it. I on the other hand, hadn't realized how hungry I was. I barely glanced at what I was actually eating and started shoving it into my mouth. The millisecond the food wavered over my tongue I spat it out. There wasn't anything I could do to stop myself. When I have to eat something that tastes, to put it nicely, horrible, I'm usually pretty good at hiding that it's awful. Not this. I don't know what it was, but it was revolting, foul, unplayable, the list could continue for miles. Okay maybe I was exaggerating a tiny bit, but it was pretty darn bad.
After I had spat out the bites I'd just taken, I looked up and everyone and I mean everyone was looking my way. I blushed bright magenta and mumbled a quiet, whimpering sorry. Tears were prickling the corners of my eyes, pleading to be let out. I would not let them. I would not cry on top of everything that had happened. Especially in front of a room of judgemental strangers. I forced my tears back to where they came from and looked down to the table, just like the boy beside me. I didn't eat until I knew I could keep it together, everything not just the crying aspect, but the vomiting one too. I was finally able to swallow my food after much encouraging persuasion from my brain.
While I was concentrating on simply chewing, thoroughly, my food, the pink-haired girl turned to me. She looked five or six years older then me. She also had a zillion orange freckles that could have just been splattered all over her face randomly. I could tell by the way she'd already been acting that she was a very sociable, talkative person, one of which I typically didn't enjoy chatting with.
"Hey, I don't think I've seen you around before. You new?" I nodded my head to answer her question. I didn't say anything partly because I didn't feel like talking and partly because I had the horrendous meal in my mouth. I was afraid if I opened it, everything would spill out all over my half-finished plate. I hoped she wouldn't keep talking, but clearly luck wasn't on my side today, or the room just happened to be filled with socializing extroverts. The girl, unluckily didn't give up.
"What's your name? I'm Meredith."
"Hi." I croaked after swallowing, "I'm Anna."
"Oh cool. Your name is kinda like a, oh, what's it called? Ah! Palindrome!"
"Huh?"
"I mean, well, a palindrome is a word that is the same spelled backwards as it is forwards.". I thought about that.
"That is kinda cool."
"My favourite palindrome word is, I know it's kinda random, but taco cat. It's from a game I like to play. It has these taco cats ..." Meredith mumbled off and I breath a sigh of relief. She was done talking, but alas, I was wrong, "but that's not the point." I must have looked confused or something, I was confused, but not about what she was talking about. I was confused about the fact that she was still talking to me. I was clearly giving off "leave me alone vibes". Well she didn't get those vibes, she just thought I was confused about a palindrome because she went on to say, "Well, see, T-A-C-O C-A-T, it's the same if I spell it backwards, T-A-C-O C-A-T. Rad, huh?". I nodded. It was sorta cool.
I went back to my meal. Sadly I'd forgotten how rotten it tasted. Even more tragically, this time I could keep it in, this time it wasn't just a small spat. I heaved and puked all over the table. I didn't even have the courage to look up, I just ran out of the room, letting the tears push through and fall down my face. Someone sprung up and many made comments I didn't hear, but didn't need to. I just ran to the only place I clearly remember when coming in the foster facility for the first time, the washroom.
I flopped onto the toilet seat and covered my eyes with my hands. Tears streamed down my face. How had I just thrown up in front of a million strangers in my new home that I would be stuck in forever? Okay, pause. Most of that sentence is a bit of a hyperbole, but sill. In the moment, that's what it felt like.
I cried and cried, too loud for me to hear anything else. Especially when someone came in several minutes later. A sweet voice asked, "Anna, are you alright?"
"No." I muffled, telling the truth for what felt like the first time that day.
"Oh honey, can you come out? I just want to help you.", the voice answered. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know the person on the other side of the door, it could have been a complete murderer for all I knew. At this point, i didn't trust anyone, but I had to take a chance. I couldn't stay in that bathroom stall forever, could I. Eventually I nodded, not realizing she couldn't see me. I slowly and quite hesitantly opened the beige door and was greeted by a kind smile. "Hey sweetie, I'm Lauren. Do you want to go up to your room?". I nodded and surprisingly fell into her arms. I was shocked at how easily I was able to embrace a complete stranger. I'm usually not a huge touchy-touchy person, but for some reason I felt comfort in holding on to someone. She smiled and hugged me back.

It turned out Lauren is kind of like the Ms. Lewis of the foster facility. She certainly wasn't the same or even compared to my magnificent Ms. Lewis. I don't think anyone could compare to her, but Lauren was someone, as she explained to me, who I could come talk to for any reason if I needed it. She told me how she's always be there to give advice, but also just to listen. She gently asked me about my day. I burst into tears, barely able to get full comprehendible sentences out. Lauren assured me we could talk through it all within the next couple days. She rubbed my back and let me sob into her shirt. I felt finally safe for the first time in my life. Lauren, though I didn't know it then, would become as dear a friend to me as Ms. Lewis and AJ.
After calming me down, Lauren helped me find a spare pair of pyjamas. They were a muddy blue and somehow a soothing, comforting colour. We brushed my teeth and washed my face. It felt like brushing and washing away all the hurt, sadness, and anger of the day. Then she tucked me into my unmade bed and whispered goodnight into my ear. The sheets felt welcoming and warm. I wrapped them around me tight, as if they were someone holding me and I quickly dozed off, exhausted from the long day. I spent the rest of the night dreaming a dreamless dream, with no happy, unrealistic family to love me.