You know when your 16 and you honestly think life is supposed to be perfect?
Well I'm 16 and the moment I was born it was screwed up. My mum and dad weren't together, I had bronchiolitis and the hospital thought it was nothing so they sent me home... on the way home I stopped breathing... and the doctors once again sent me home. My dad then tried to take me away from my mum and away from my mum's side of the family.
Since I was little it has been an ongoing battle with wither or not I should be with my mum or wither my dad should take me away from her. So at age 4 I stopped seeing my dad, because every weekend I came home from his house I would sit in a corner and bash my head against the brick wall and I wouldn't eat.
At the age of 3 my step-dad came into the picture. It was a very hard time in my life I felt abandoned by my mum and this guy just came into my life... he was nothing but a stranger but I was young and innocent then where I believed the world wasn't full of evil and hurt... When I was 3 I believed that everything would be okay and that no matter how much people changed I'd always love them
[Right now I would give anything to go back to when I was little and for it to be okay]
I found out the other day that well my muma(grandma) came and picked me up for a weekend away and she asked how mummy and daddy where and I as a little 3 year old turned around and said "I wish I could put them in a bin"
I also found out that my step-dad when I was 3 didn't want me at all and kept trying to convince my mum to give me back to my dad but she didn't and he said he would leave if she didn't. but nothing ever happened
I as a three year old said that
Why could any three year old say that, but I know the answer because my step-dad treated me like a piece of shit when I was little.
It got worse as I got older, when I was 5 I had a list of jobs to do before and after and my little sister (she's 8years younger) was 5 she had to do one job and that was un-stack the dishwasher.
I remember the first day of school. I had to clean my room and make my bed, and stack the dish washer; I wasn't allowed to watch TV. I went into school and didn't look twice back to my mum, I didn't cry. As I 5year old all I wanted to do was get the hell out of my step-dads house and rules.
I loved going to school where I could finally be myself... everything was so much easier at school. I loved my teacher and my friends... I was happy; I got home every day and had things to do... I wouldn't sleep at night... so I got used to needing little sleep... I started seeing a little girl after awhile, she has long black hair, a frilly dress, like in the olden days but more modern... everything in her was always grey/black or white.
It wasn't scary after awhile, I still see her. She hasn't aged... her eyes have, there as black as hell, and when you look into them you see pain and it hurts.
When I was 6 we moved into a different house, we got two dogs when we moved. My pop came to visit us when I was 7, I had never met my pop before, and he was there for about 5days... I got a giant teddy.
But one weekend at muma's and the dogs destroyed it.
When pop left I was sad, id only just met this man and he walked out of my life, never to be seen again.
At 8 we moved up to Newcastle, from Gosford. I missed all my friends, but I made new friends I became a tom boy, I hung with the boys and became a part of their group. Which I guess is maybe a good thing because as I got older I started to learn.
When we moved my mum had my baby sister... she was the cutest thing that I had ever seen...I couldn't wait to see her when mum n she got home from the hospital.
